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There are too many uncertainties, and I don’t have enough information yet. I need to talk to Josh for that.
I just can’t bring myself to take that step, because as long as I don’t talk to him, I can at least entertain the idea of him being happy about the news. And, just maybe, this baby will be the bridge that reunites us.
It’s a slim chance, but right now chances are all I have to hold on to.
I take a deep breath and try to push the thoughts of Josh out of my mind. Riley is still here, and she deserves my attention. “Thanks, Riley. I really appreciate it.”
“Of course. And about that dress…” She winks at me. “I wasn’t suggesting you wear it to find a man. I was suggesting you wear it for yourself. You deserve to feel beautiful.”
I smile at her, feeling grateful for her presence in my life. “You’re right. Thank you, I’ll try it on.”
As I slip into the dress and look at myself in the mirror, I can’t help but feel a little bit of the old me coming back. The me that loved to dress up and go out with friends.
And I can see that there will still be a little bit of room in my new life for that. That’s what sitters are for.
As we leave the apartment, I feel a sense of optimism wash over me. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m ready to face whatever comes my way. I have a supportive friend, a loving family, and a newfound strength within myself.
We make our way to the restaurant, and as we settle in with our appetizer, I feel a sense of peace.
“Someone is looking at you.” Riley’s gaze trails to the bar, and I follow it.
The man is tall, with broad shoulders and dark hair that’s perfectly styled.
Riley notices and nudges me. “Go talk to him!” she whispers, grinning mischievously.
“What? No!” I make sure to avoid his gaze.
“You’re pregnant. You’re not a leper.”
I swirl the straw around in my mocktail. It doesn’t matter. I can’t talk to the man, as handsome as he is.
I can’t talk to him because he’s not Josh.
Just like that, all the fun I’ve been having tumbles away. What’s left in its wake is a crushing sadness.
“Erin?” Riley asks. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m… fine.” I put my drink down, wanting nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed.
I put a smile on, though. Riley is here to have fun, and I won’t ruin her good time.
Except she already has her hand raised.
“What are you doing?” I ask as she flags down our waiter.
“Getting dinner to go.”
“No, you—”
“Should be on the couch with my amazing friend, watching reality TV.” She smiles gently. “It’s okay. That is what you need. Let’s do it.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, holding back tears.
We head home and spend the evening just as Riley promised, curled up on the couch having dinner. And then when dinner is done, we have ice cream. And then when there’s no ice cream left and we’ve watched a whole half-season of our favorite show, we crawl into bed.
Except I can’t sleep. My mind is spinning, and I’m tossing and turning as I think about Josh.
His smile. His bright blue eyes. The way he would press his strong palms against my lower back and tug me closer, keeping me safe. Keeping me his.
