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He made the call to Anatoly, speaking softly and I looked at him.
“Ask him if there is anyone alive there,” I said, my voice breaking.
“He is looking into it but so far, there doesn’t seem to be…” He stopped, and I nodded as the tears spilled over.
I angrily wiped them away, cursing whatever god was watching over me.
I couldn’t do this. Not again. Losing Yuri broke something inside me, and I couldn’t lose anyone else.
My hands shook as my chest felt like it was constricting, and I tried to gulp for air.
My breath came in short pants as I felt a scream building in my throat. I tried to clamp it down, knowing if I let it out, I wouldn’t stop.
“Hey. Take a breath for me.” Mikhail said as he dropped down in front of me.
I stared at him, feeling the hysteria rise to the surface and wanted to laugh at the absurdity of Mikhail of all people trying to be nice to me.
“I can’t lose them, Mikhail. I can’t go through this again. Yuri’s death shattered something inside me. I can’t…” I choked on a sob and rocked back and forth, trying to do anything to take my mind off reality.
“Katerina…” He started and I shook my head.
“No! You don’t understand. I let them in! I let them into my heart and my world knowing how dangerous it was. Knowing that if I did, they might be taken from me like everyone else.” I couldn’t see as the tears spilled over, blocking my vision.
“I let them in,” I whispered as I doubled over, my entire body feeling like it was breaking into a million pieces.
“Shhh. It’s alright. We don’t know what happened…” He started and I shoved him away.
“Don’t. You don’t have to be nice to me, Mikhail. I did horrible things to you in the past. I don’t deserve your kindness.” I said bitterly as I stood, needing to move.
“Contrary to popular belief, I do believe in giving people second chances and right now, you need more than that. I haven’t forgotten what happened in the past, but I have forgiven you.” He said, shocking me.
“I don’t deserve that forgiveness,” I whispered and he shrugged.
“It’s not for me to decide. That’s between you and God when you get to the pearly gates.” He said with a sad smile before he frowned.
“Katerina, you’re bleeding.” He said as he pointed to my pants. I looked down, seeing the blood seep through and my stomach sank.
“No!” I whispered, rushing to the bathroom.
I slammed the door, ripping off my pants to see what I had suspected, and I cried out in despair at the cruelty of life.
“No, no, no, NO!” I sobbed as I looked at the bloody mess in my underwear.
“Katerina… what’s going on?” Mikhail said from the other side of the door, and I angrily tossed my pants aside as I slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs and cried.
“Katerina, let me in.” He said firmly and when I ignored him, he broke open the door.
“Katerina… oh fuck.” He muttered and I felt his arms around me, lifting me to sit on the top of the toilet.
“It’s alright. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He murmured and I looked at him, bitterness sinking into my heart.
“I j…just found out,” I whispered and he nodded.
“I figured.” He said as he looked at the shower, turning it on.
“I told you I don’t deserve it. God has deemed even this child isn’t staying with me.” I said as I hiccupped.
“Katerina. Look at me.” Mikhail dropped to his knees in front of me with a shaky breath, looking into my eyes with so much compassion it hurt.
