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“I don’t… I don’t know what to say. This isn’t like it is with the others, Alexsei. You were there. You were Yuri’s best friend. You have known me a long time and seen all the things I have done.” I whispered and he took my wrists, pulling me closer.
“I am not Yuri and I refuse to live in the shadow of his ghost. I was a fool then for not fighting for you because if I had made it clear, I think Yuri would have been open to the kind of dynamic you have now.” He smiled when I raised an eyebrow at that, but then I could have seen Yuri thinking it was a great idea to have a family dynamic with his best friend.
“As for the things you have done, you forget that my hands are covered in just as much blood. I don’t think anything other than you are the strongest person I know. You are the queen of our world. Not a princess. Queen.” He stepped closer, his breath warm on mine.
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to push you a little as well. Only a queen could handle my love and I want to love you, Katerina. Will you let me?” He murmured and I was faced with déjà vu.
All these men kept asking me the same question and I had to decide if I was going to keep forcing them to do so.
“Are you willing to share?” I countered, knowing I was going to say yes unless he said he couldn’t.
“I’ve already seen Hamish’s cock. I’d say that puts us on family terms now.” He said with a laugh, and I smiled, waiting for the serious answer.
“But yes. I understand the dynamic you are asking for and I tend to think the more men who love you, the more who will keep you safe. So yes, I will share with the others.” He said with conviction, and I nodded.
“Okay. Then I will let you, Alexsei, but I need you to be slow with me. My body may be okay with this, but my mind needs to catch up.” I added, hoping he understood.
“I will be as slow as you want. Do you think it is time to release him?” he said as he nodded at the phone.
“Delete it?” I whispered and he smiled sadly.
“Yes. But remember he is always in your heart. He is in mine too. Deleting the message won’t remove him from there. Let his spirit free, Pchelka, let him rest in peace.” He added and I inhaled sharply before I opened my phone, my finger hovering over the delete button.
He was right. I couldn’t continue to hold onto these parts of Yuri while learning to love others. I closed my eyes and pressed the button, feeling a weight leave my shoulders at the same time as a pang in my heart.
“He will always be with us,” Alexsei whispered before he pulled me in for a hug. I buried my face into his chest and cried, letting go of the heartache, the tension, and the fear that had been riding me all these years.
Yuri had been my first love, but in some ways, he had been my ball and chain too. He wanted to save me from this life, he never thought I should be a part of it and never asked if I wanted to stay.
He loved me, but he didn’t truly see the real me. He saw the delicate woman he wanted to keep safe, he never saw the woman who killed men without remorse.
“It’s time for a fresh start. All of us. We can do this, Katerina. We will find the people who are trying to tear you down and we will rain hell upon them. The streets will run red with your vengeance my queen and until then, we will keep you safe, so we know how and where to act.” He said with conviction, and I sank into his arms.
It felt right. Alexsei understood who I was better than the others. He knew there would always be a part of me that craved this world, and the power and control that came with it.
“When you are ready, I look forward to worshipping you while pushing you to the edge.” He murmured and I wondered what he meant.
“Until then, let's go back and begin to build this little family we have together.” He said, taking my hand and leading me back to the others.
Thirty four
Hamish
Iheard the shower turn on and smiled to myself.
“Don’t come complaining to us when she hurts you,” Alexsei said as I gripped the door handle.
“You have some big balls going in there with those.” Riley said as he eyed my peace offering.
“Well thank you, but they are really quite normal sized.” I said with a grin, and he rolled his eyes.
“I hope she punches you and hurts you good.” Leo added.
“The only way she will hurt me is if she tells me to leave. Wish me luck gentlemen.” I said with a wink at the others who just rolled their eyes.
Okay so it probably wasn’t the smartest move to corner her in the shower, but I came bearing gifts and I wanted to see just how far I could push her before she finally gave in, and hate fucked me.
That’s all I needed. If we could just get it out of our system, I would be able to figure out if I was just obsessed with herbecause she pushed my buttons and I wanted to see how far that would go into the bedroom, or if the others were right and I was falling in love with her.
