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“I’m the male version of your best friend? Is that supposed to be a compliment?” he asked.
“Oh, most definitely, but Vallie is much prettier than you. And nicer too.”
“I can’t disagree with you there,” he started making his way toward the door but stopped. “I meant it about Sie. I don’t have any brothers, but Sie has always been one to me. Regardless of how he portrays himself, he cares for you. He will kill me for telling you this, but he does care. He won’t treat you badly.”
“He already treated me badly.”
“He’s done nice things for you too, Scotlind. Many things. He looks out for you and always thinks about your needs, about what will make you happy.”
I huffed a laugh. “Yeah, right. Name one.”
He didn’t hesitate as he said, “It was Sie’s idea to spend the night at LakeWood when we were touring so you could see Vallie and Miles. We were supposed to stay in Addler, but he changed the schedule. He told me to say it was my idea, but it wasn’t.”
“One good thing doesn’t make him a good person,” I said, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Did he really care for me?
“Maybe not, but I’ve watched Sie do many good things. Did you know he watched your Trial and had me petition to make you a guard before he even knew you? He saw Synder had marked you as a servant and thought you deserved better.”
I was silent after that. Peter continued, “He doesn’t do good things to be recognized. Many Advenians think he’s an asshole because he’s good at putting on that front. He had to wear that mask for many years to protect himself from his father. But I do know that he cares for you and that he will keep you safe.” He shook out his shaggy locks as he walked toward the door. “Anyway, your servants are here to get you ready. Abherham is just outside. I have to go, but I’ll see you tonight.”
Our comfortable, easy routine was gone.
I took in the surroundings that had been my room for the past couple of months. Maybe Peter hadn’t reminded me that today was my wedding day on purpose. Maybe he knew that if I had been aware, I wouldn’t have slept last night.
I tried to savor this moment. Being alone. I would spend tonight with Sie, and that scared me more than Kole did. The servants would move my belongings into his chamber, making itourbedroom.
I let out a groan as I sank further into my seat. I couldn’t help thinking about him these past weeks. How he’d come running into my room when I pushed the button on my necklace. How he’d looked at me when Kole held the knife to my throat. The sheer terror and anger that radiated off him.
Then, how he’d been covered in Kole’s blood afterward. He had a different look in his eyes when he left the dungeons. They had turned fully black as he wore the face of death his eyes promised.
Sie scared me.
Not because of his sheer power and ability to kill someone in seconds, but because I didn’t understand my own feelings toward him. He was awful to me, yes, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he really did care for me like Peter had suggested.
My mind kept replaying how he kissed me in his bathing room. It was like his mask had come off, and I saw his face for the first time. He’d looked young and innocent, hopeful and wishful, and I wanted more. I wanted more of that Sie.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how every time I had been in the same room as him, my heart thudded so loudly against my ribs that I couldn’t hear. How my chest tightened when I heard his deep voice. How my toes curled whenever he stood near me.
I didn’t want to start liking him. If I liked him, it would make things worse. I didn’t want to go down that path of giving myself hope, just for it to be taken away from me. It was only a matter of time until they discovered I was from Lux.
Unless we never had children. Lakimi was centuries away. The chances of us conceiving were slim. Or maybe Sie would go elsewhere for that kind of pleasure. Maybe he wouldn’t even want to have sex with me at all.
I didn’t know what to make of sex other than what Vallie had told me—that it was rough and sweaty and definitely not me just laying on my back. I’d asked her awkwardly one time if a male would see a female’s back when they were intimate.
She’d looked at me funny but answered,Yes Scottie-cat. They see everything. But to be honest, most males aren’t really interested in a female’s back. There are a few other parts they like better.
A minute later, a knock sounded on the door as Roslyn, Annabel, and Ashley entered my room. They fussed over me for the next three hours, but it felt much, much longer. In between getting ready, they tried and failed to get me to eat more of my breakfast. I managed to nibble on some fruit as they curled my light brown hair into long, delicate waves.
Ashley told me that no one was allowed to see me until I walked down the aisle. Which meant I would be cooped up in this room until the ceremony started. That would explain why Peter had left and why Abherham waited outside my door.
Once they were satisfied with my hair and makeup, adding coal to my eyes and rose to my cheeks, they helped me into my gown. It took all three of them to get me into it, and I realized with complete dread that I would need help getting out of it.
Annabel was at my side smiling. “You look gorgeous, Princess,” she said as she gave my shoulders a squeeze. Her silky, black hair brushed against my face.
Ashley pulled me into a hug as Roslyn rolled her eyes. “The girl is getting married,” Roslyn sneered, “not going off to war.” Ashley huffed at her as I caught my reflection in the mirror.
I looked like a living, breathing diamond.
My long hair was mostly down, falling in beautiful curls behind my back. The few pieces around my face were swept up into a small silver crown that was too snug on my head. My lashes were thickened and elongated, making the sapphire in my eyes stand out against the diamond earrings that dangled to my neck.
