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“I don’t plan on it.”
“Tell me you won’t fall in love with him. I need my son here to finish this hunt.The end.Do you understand?” I get the feeling from his tone that there’s emotion behind his request, which seems uncomfortable for a big, tough man like Sergei.
“So, this is about the bear?”
The way his face contorts, I gather people don’t usually question him.
“This is about life. Niko belongs in Alaska. I don’t want him falling in love out here and running off like his brothers. So… we’ll help you and keep you safe, but you have to promise me you won’t fall in love with him. Agree or leave.”
I get it now. He doesn’t want to lose another son to Colorado, but I’m not here to fall in love, despite the fact that it’s a fantasy man who’s protecting me. I need a fresh start, a new identity, and a future I can be excited about. No more drama.
Oh, the lies we tell ourselves.
“No worries there,” I finally say. “I don’t think I’m Niko’s type.”
Sergei doesn’t look away. “That’s not a clear enough answer.”
I twist my hair to the side of my shoulder, part of me knowing I’m full of it. “I won’t fall in love with him. I swear.”
“Good.” Sergei stands from the table where we’re sitting. “I’ll expect you two to leave at sunrise. Don’t make me regret this.” He coughs as he covers his mouth, then makes his way into the back room before Niko returns from upstairs with a sleeping bag in his arms. “You can have the room across from mine. You should know the whole house is freezing cold. You’ll need to bundle up. Do you have anything else to wear?”
I shake my head.
“That’s going to be a problem. We have to sled out to the ridge tomorrow. You’ll need to be warm and my clothes are far too big.”
“I can make some alterations tonight. Do you have scissors and thread?”
“You’re a seamstress, too? Why did Daddy teach you that lesson?”
“He didn’t and my mother died ages before I could speak, so I taught myself. Little tasks like this are satisfying. I’ve always wanted to be a seamstress. I thought I’d make kids clothes and open my own store. I think my mom would’ve liked that. I found all these old journals of hers where she’d drawn out ideas. She had an eye for design.”
He stares at me for at least thirty seconds, but I can’t figure what he’s thinking. His face is stoic, and his mind is reeling. “How’d your mother die?”
“She was born with a genetic heart defect. What about you? Where’s your mom?”
He drags in a deep breath and leans against the back counter with his giant arms crossed over his chest. “She took off when we were young.”
“What do you mean?”
His eyes widen. “I mean what I said. She took off. My parents were young when they had us. By the time they were twenty-four, they had five kids. I think the dream was to live out in the woods and do things the simple way. Mom liked that dream until she had to live it.”
I pinch my lips together and stare toward Niko. I don’t want to sound shocked because that’s insensitive, but also, I want to sound shocked because that shit’s crazy.
“So she just left? You’ve never heard from her again?”
“She tried talking to me a few years back, but I didn’t entertain it. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but it’s not worth it. Dad raised us. Feels like a kick in his face to talk to her.”
“I don’t blame you. That’s a long time to disappear.” Suddenly a lot more about Niko makes sense, including the partwhere he doesn’t want a family. I can’t imagine being rejected by my mother. I was mad at my mom for years and she didn’t have a choice in leaving me.
“How old were you when she left?”
“An infant. That man is hard, but he raised all of us from nothing. A lot of men would’ve given up. Hell, sometimes I thinkIwould have given up. I can’t imagine raising an infant and three young boys while trying to hunt for food and keep up with a homestead. He’s earned his defiance.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I want to reach out and hug Niko, maybe alleviate some of the pain he’s feeling, but I hug the sleeping bag instead. I can’t get attached to him. “I, ugh, I’ll take this up and get settled. If you have those clothes, drop them by, and I’ll see what I can do with them.”
He grunts something under his breath, and I walk past, trying not to drag in the scent of pine that follows him around, to not fantasize about his giant body wrapped up in mine, to not think about his deep voice in my ear or the way his rough hands feel against my skin. Trouble is, it’s useless. The giant is in my head, and I’m not sure I want him out.
Chapter Four
