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“Stop hurting my mum. I'll kill you.” I need to be strong for her. I won't fail her. I'll protect her.
“Okay, Ace, try it.” He turns to me and lifts his arms out to his sides, taunting me.
I aim and relax my breathing, like he's taught me. I aim for his head, I'll kill him. I know I only have seconds, with his training he'll be on me shortly. I watch his foot slide toward me. I pull the trigger.
* * *
“Stop,” I yell as I come awake. I bolt upright and out of bed, looking for the danger. What the hell, I haven't thought about that day in years. I know what it means; that dream is like an instant forewarning for me. My skin is crawling from the memory and the feeling of something about to happen. I look at my watch and see it's after three in the morning.
I walk over to the minibar. No Jack, guess it'll be Irish whiskey for me. I twist off the lid and swallow the whole little bottle in one gulp. I feel the warmth and the edge dissipates. The last time I had that dream, Christopher died. I failed him too. My hand rubs my scar. His last words haunt me just as much as they did Duncan. It was worth it. I want that, to have a life worth it.
It's been over two weeks since I heard her voice. Ian told me she didn't remember talking to me. I knew the panic attacks were bad, but that was bloody crazy. I just happened to be calling him via Skype to check in, when he was chasing after her. I'm glad I got to hear her voice and calm her down.
I sit at the desk and fire up the laptop to see if I have any messages. Timothy set me up with an area where I can receive Skype messages without compromising their location. Sure enough, Timothy and Ian both have left me messages. I read Ian's first.
Bossman, hope you're coming home soon. She's seeing the doctor more and from what Duncan tells me, her blood pressure is high. She had a few weeks of really bad nausea and barely ate. She paces the house at night. She hasn't had any more attacks like that night. Maya's trying to talk her into letting Derek move in with her. Might want to come home to claim her soon.
Over my dead body is that wanker moving in with my girl. I'll fire him and send his arse packing if he tries to go after her. I walk back over to the minibar and grab another bottle and shoot it back. I need to calm my nerves. Between the dream and now this, I'll be climbing the walls and acting like a bloody daft cow soon.
I move on to Timothy’s message next.
Bossman, bad things happening. Rag mags say you had an affair with Ana while she was married and she's carrying your love child. Don't know how the pregnancy got out but you need to contain it now.
Now I'm upset even more. No more drinking, I’ll go to the gym and work off this anger on the treadmill. I'll meet with the solicitor and barrister first thing in the morning and find out what the hell is going on. There is a leak somewhere. My laptop pings with an incoming message from Timothy as I’m processing my thoughts.
Barrister wants a meeting at 0800. Better wake up and go.
I fire back a reply. Already awake. I'll meet him at his office. Check the clinic she went to in Surrey, think there might be a leak there. Make sure she never identified the father. I have a plan.
My laptop pings again. Also, Maya's stalker has been leaving flowers at the office for her. I informed her. Duncan is upset.
I'll be home before supper.
See you later. Timothy signs off.
Ana
I haven’t seen Joshua in over a month since he flew to Belfast. I've heard he calls to speak with Duncan and the guys. I also haven't heard from the solicitor in a while, but with Joshua there, he might be taking care of it. I wish they would let me take care of my own life.
Supposedly there's a court date today. Hopefully I'll hear something good. The barrister knows of the pregnancy and has petitioned the court for a quick divorce on the grounds of abuse and severe mental trauma.
I thought moving into the cottage would help me feel safer, but I end up walking around every night making sure every window and door is closed, locked, and the alarms are set. I can't sleep for long periods. I lock the doors during the day too.
I know Ian is outside watching me. I've seen him a few more times. He asks to go with me into town a lot, but I usually have Duncan, Maya, or Derek go. I wonder if Ian is checking up on me for Joshua. After my break down in front of him a couple weeks ago, I avoid him.
It was embarrassing waking up in his bed with no recollection of how I got there. He apologized for startling me by the loch, it wasn’t his intention. Still, finding myself in his small cabin threw me out of sorts. I’m thankful he’s agreed to keep it between us. If Maya knew, she’d insist on Derek moving in, and I like my privacy.
I head out for my daily walk and explore the grounds. I look out over the purple hills of blooming heather and calm as I walk to the loch to check on the swans. They have a nest in the reeds along the far side. I've started doing my relaxation breathing outdoors in my small garden. I've always loved coming to this area, and the fact that Maya bought land here makes me happy. I'm almost to the loch when Ian and Timothy walk out of the woods. I startle at first and am about to run, when I recognize them. Damn, I need to learn to control this fight or flight response I have.
“Hello, lassie. How are you feeling today?” Ian asks.
Both he and Timothy are almost always watching me closely. I've also noticed Raul has taken a special interest in me. I know they consider themselves a family and say that includes me, but I still worry that I'm keeping them away from their lives. I realize I haven't answered his question.
“Good. I'm getting some exercise before I head in to do my yoga. Pheasant hunting again?”
“Yes, would you like us to drop off a few to Helen for you to cook?” He smiles at me, his presence calms me. I remember the dream I had when I passed out, maybe that is why he calms me.
“Yes, please, that would be so nice. Thank you.” I smile at Timothy, and he nods back to me.
