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I roll over, grab the baby monitor, and put my robe on. I walk into my studio and put on the one song I hate because Jonathan played it all the time when he beat me. I walk up to the table and furiously start drawing. I see him in my eyes as the monster of children's nightmares, but what is forming on the page is a monster of my past. His head is thrown back in his desire from hurting and cutting me, the joy he received from inflicting pain on someone else. His eyes are pure evil, and his eyebrows are drawn up in his ecstasy. His hands are shown to be holding someone down as he expresses his dominance over them. The scalpel in his hand has the only color in the drawing on it. I used a dark red pastel to show the blood dripping from the blade. I'm smudging the lines and dragging my fingers and chemise through the charcoal to express the anger and pain I feel at this picture. I grab the red pastel again and drag it up his arms, reflecting my blood on him from the beating and cutting. I'm about to crumple it up and throw it when it hits me. I'm strong enough now I can actually draw him as he truly is. All my other drawings of him are in a neutral look. The look he wanted everyone to see. The sophisticated businessman. I step back as the song repeats again. I won't allow him to control me when I'm away from him. I’m a strong woman, and I won't allow him to dictate my life any longer. I have a man that loves me just the way I am. I'm a talented artist and a wonderful mother. I reach for the can of fixative and spray it on the drawing to set it. This is his true self, a monster. Tears roll down my face as I realize how much I continue to let him control me.
I feel Joshua’s arms wrap around me and my soul calms.
“I love you, Angel.” I look down at my hands and dirty nightgown. I have charcoal and red pastel all over me.
“Joshua, no more, no more am I going to let him control me and lead me when I'm away from him. Look at him, he's an angry, ugly, scared man, and I'm stronger than him.” The song ends, and another starts. I realize Joshua took the song off repeat.
“Ana, you're one of the strongest women I know. And you’re right, he is scared. Look at his eyes, he fears you showing that strength. I'll always protect you but not because you're weak, but because I love you. When Dr. Mason gets here next week, you'll be a stronger person.”
I turn in his arms and kiss him.
He picks me up and walks out of the studio, carrying me up to our room where we shower off all the charcoal now on both of us. I look down and see the black and red running into the drain and feel my pain leave me too. I’ll never forget what he’s done to me, but I'll be stronger because of it. I fall asleep in Joshua’s arms and feel content for the first time in a long time.
Chapter Thirty
Ana
The next day Joshua calls Rebekah and Derek over to the house. We're seated in the parlor over tea when he asks them.
“We'd like you both to be Isabella's godparents. You both mean a lot to us and we want you to be an integral part of Isabella's upbringing.”
“Joshua, you honor me with this request. I was sure that Maya and Duncan would be asked,” Derek says.
“Well, they're her aunt and uncle already, we wanted someone different for her godparents. Both of you have had your faith tested but still believe, that's why we want you to be a part of her life,” I say as I smile sadly at them both.
“Ana, I would love to be her godmother, thank you,” Rebekah says as she stands and walks to hug me.
“Well, Derek?” Joshua asks him again.
“Of course.” He stands and smiles. “Guess I better dust off my suit.” We all laugh.
“Can I wear another princess dress too?” Meghan asks excitedly.
“Of course you can wear a princess dress. How about we have these two gentlemen take us shopping today to get our dresses?” I smile at Joshua.
“I really don't want to leave the estate again, but, Derek, if you and your father can help me, we can do this.”
“Got it, Bossman. Let me go gear up and I'll be ready.”
We head into town as a group with Greg, Michael, and Patrice following in another vehicle. Our day of shopping goes well, I even found a dress similar to mine for Maya. She is on her honeymoon and won't have time to shop. Their honeymoon is to stay locked up in their house. Maya says one day they will take a real honeymoon.
We have lunch at a small bistro and are getting to know each other better. I really like Rebekah and know she and I will become close friends.
“Is there anything you need for your cottage?” I ask her.
“No, we're all set. Jen asked me if I would watch Tommy when she returns to work on Monday. It'll be nice to feel useful again.”
“Please, you’re useful, and you're not a burden to us, okay.” She smiles at me, and I know she would argue, but I feel Joshua nod to her.
“Rebekah, we want you to continue working for Securities International. As for Jen going back to work, that is still up in the air because I haven’t determined if it is safe for her to return yet. I can have Timothy help you get set up in the new office,” Joshua tells her.
“Thank you, Joshua. You and Duncan have always made me feel like part of the team. I would love to help out, and now I can have Meghan and Tommy around me as I work.”
“See, it'll all work out,” I say.
Joshua reaches out to take Rebekah’s hand. “Bekah, it's all of us. We all swore to protect and take care of you and Meghan. You are a part of our team, our family. Always.”
She smiles shyly at him and pulls her hand away.
