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“What’s wrong?” I ask, trying to catch my breath.
But her eyes are filled with amusement when she smiles at me. “The babies are going crazy right now. They’ve never moved this much before.”
“Oh. Do you think it’s the, um, kissing?”
She smirks at me. “Probably the peanut butter and pickle sandwich.”
Then I watch as she reaches down to grab my wrists and drags them to her hips. “I wish you could feel them. It really is the coolest thing ever.”
I lean in and rest my forehead against hers as I stare down at my hands. They’re splayed over her stomach now, a dark contrast against her porcelain skin. “I never thought I’d get to do any of this stuff, you know,” I say quietly. “But I’m loving every second of it. I hope you get that, Loren, how happy you’ve made me by allowing me to be a part of this with you.”
She’s silent as I slowly move down to my knees, my hands sliding back to her sides as I press my cheek against her bellybutton. She sighs and runs her fingers through my hair, and I swear this is the most amazing moment of my life.
Nothing could compare to this feeling, I think as my heart swells in my chest and my eyes start to sting. But I don’t even bother to hide my tears this time.
I contemplate telling her the rest, but I know she isn’t ready for these enormous feelings I’ve been having. For now, my job is to help her figure out what she needs to get to this point with me, however long that takes.
Her hands are still cradling my head against her stomach when I notice a light tick against my cheek. I make myself as still as possible, focusing my attention on the same spot, and it happens again, this time against my temple.
“Was that … was that one of them?” I ask.
She straightens up. “You felt it?”
I pull away and stand again, using her shirt to wipe the moisture I left behind on her skin. Then I cup my palms over the same spot, and my eyes dart up to hers when I feel another flicker. “Right there?”
She nods and moves one of my hands across to the other side. “Here too.”
There’s an immediate flutter beneath the surface, and I let out a surprised laugh as I glance up at her, my expression probably filled with awe. She doesn’t say anything as she stretches her shirt and uses it to dab at my eyes, which have grown watery again.
“Thank you, Lo,” I whisper. “You’re amazing.” She sniffles, her own eyes shining, and I lean down to press a kiss over her forehead. “I hope you know this is going to be my new favorite pastime.”
She laughs. “I’m sure I can find some time in my busy schedule to lie around and let you grope my huge belly. As long as you keep the PB&Js coming,” she says, yawning as soon as she’s done.
I smirk at her. “Ready to go back to bed?”
“Yeah. Although, that’s not exactly how you worded that question in my spicy dream,” she replies in a wistful tone. “And we made more use of this kitchen island first.”
I groan and turn around for her to cling to my back, mostly to avoid having to show her my body’s involuntary reaction to her. “You’re killing me, Agnes.”
She giggles as she scoots forward and wraps her arms and legs around me, and I walk down the hall and set her down on her bed.
“Blake?”
“Yeah?” I twist around to look at her.
“I, um, I’m sorry about all that just now. It’s probably not very fair to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I shouldn’t have let things go that far. I just … I’m not exactly in control of my hormones right now. But that’s not an excuse to spring a midnight make-out session on you.”
My mouth turns up at the corner. “You think I minded?”
She looks down at her hands. “But it feels wrong to use you for that stuff, especially since I’m the one who made the rules. I promise, it won’t happen again.”
That tight feeling in my chest returns. Not the one from a few minutes before, when my heart was so full I thought it might burst. This is the one I get every time she shoots me down, the one that resembles both an aching emptiness and a crushing weight at the same time.
“Right,” I answer her after a while. And I’m tempted to say something sarcastic, to make a passive-aggressive comment that lets her know she’s hurt me again, but I also just vowed to do whatever it takes to get her to love me back.
