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“Hey, Lo, maybe they’re onto something. I think I read that stuff about oatmeal in one of the baby books too. I’ll make a grocery run in the morning so you can have some for breakfast, hmm?”
My expression softens when he looks at me earnestly. “I think your algorithm is confused,” I tell him.
“Are you referring to my FYP or my life?” he asks, smirking.
“Blake,” I begin, my voice already cracking. “How miserable are you right now?”
He frowns. “What makes you think I’m miserable?”
“You must be. You haven’t had a break in weeks. You’re driving around in a freaking white minivan, for goodness sake!”
He reaches over and interlaces his fingers with mine. “I’m exhausted, not miserable. Sure, I’d much rather have our girls home with us by now, but the three of you have made my heart so full that I’d give up sleep forever to do this with you.”
I sigh, melting into the couch. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. I’m sorry this experience has been so scary for you, and I can’t imagine what you must be going through, both physically and emotionally. Tenley explained that it’s probably a million times harder for you to leave them behind at night, especially while you’re dealing with the postpartum hormones. So don’t be afraid to tell me if there’s anything else I can do to help you.”
I look down at our clasped hands. “Is this really the life you wanted?”
“I wish this last part had been a little easier, but yes, it is, because of you. Although, I really do miss my truck.”
I snort out a laugh as he strokes the side of my hand with his thumb. “And you still …?”
The rhythmic noise from the breast pump is killing the vibe, so I reach down to switch it off. Blake watches me carefully as I remove the flanges and tuck myself back into my clothes, and I swear he’s got the same longing in his eyes as I did when I stared at him before. And I’m so relieved by the notion of him checking me out that I could cry again.
“If you’re going to ask me whether I still want you, the answer isalways,” he declares, his voice deepening in a way that makes my body take note.
“But I feel like I’m not even a whole human right now. I’m … broken. Like Humpty Dumpty, except they managed to put me back together, but none of the seams line up. And you, you’re still so perfect. You’re only getting better looking and more handsome every day. How could you want me now?”
He shakes his head. “First of all, I’m pretty sure I look like I’ve aged twenty years overnight, but if you’ve got a thing for older men, then I don’t hate it. A compliment from you means more than one from anyone else. Secondly, you’re not broken, babe, you’ve just changed. And you might feel terrible right now, but you’re still sexy as hell to me,” he declares, reaching out to run a finger down my arm.
“But the first time you saw me, the night we slept together, you said I was perfect,” I say, sniffling. “And I’ll never be perfect again.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “I thought you couldn’t remember most of that night?”
I shrug shyly. “A lot of it has come back to me over time.”
“Well, you don’t need to worry,” he begins with a short laugh. “If anything, you’ve reached a whole new level of perfection in my eyes, because you’re so strong and amazing. Look at what you’ve been doing—growing two tiny humans at once, surviving a crazy dangerous delivery, and now feeding and caring for them. I’m just a lousy cheerleader. All I’ve done is supply a little DNA and a few jars of peanut butter. The fact that you’re continuing to do all of this miraculous stuff with your body only makes me more anxious for the day when I get to make love to you again, to catalog every bit of you that’s new, because it’s a reminder of how lucky I am to have you.”
I wipe my nose on the inside of my shirt. “Gah, you really are a piece of work. You could have just said I was tolerable.”
He smirks. “Loren, when I say that I’m proud of you, that I’m in awe of what you’ve done for me and our babies, I mean it. And I’ve never found you more beautiful than I do now.”
There’s a tingling in my chest as he continues gazing at me adoringly, and it’s not just a let-down sensation. “You know, I never could have survived all this without you. When I wasn’t sure what was happening, whether or not we were going to be okay, you are the only person I wanted by my side. And I’d never choose to go back to a life without you now.” His smile softens as I continue. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to realize that I never needed anyone as much as I need you. I just want to make sure this is still what you want, too.”
“You are all I’ve ever wanted,” he replies evenly. “And that’s never going to change.”
I turn my body to face him, reaching around with my free hand to cup his cheek and pull him in for a kiss. He sighs and draws me in closer while his lips seem to melt into mine.
“I love you so much,” he whispers when I back away. And the way he follows me like he’s not ready to stop kissing me yet makes it all the more believable.
“I love you too,” I breathe. “But thereissomething I really want from you.” I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, and he hums appreciatively, his eyelids growing heavy.
“Anything.”
I smile and bring up my left hand, which is still intertwined with his. “I really want to keep this ring … forever.”
He blinks at me in surprise. “Yeah?”
