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I groan. “No. I’m not telling you anything. There’s nothing to tell. Even if there was, I wouldn’t tell you. You can’t keep your big mouth shut.”
He laughs. “Oh, there’s definitely something to tell, but I’ll let it go. I’ll know exactly what’s up next weekend. I already know Andie Parks is insanely gorgeous, and you’re not blind. All that natural beauty, curly hair, and spunk. That voice that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.”
I know he’s trying to get a rise out of me, but I can’t even think about Andie’s voice making the hairs on anyone’s neck do anything. I want to inject cement into Mark’s ears so he can never hear her voice again.
When I don’t respond, he continues, poking and prodding.
“I can’t wait to meet her and get to know her myself. We should invite her to come over and hang out and–”
“Mark, if you want to stay here and not be smothered in your sleep, shut up.” He laughs, but it’s not his usual unhindered, carefree, contagious laugh, which makes it almost impossible not to laugh with him, even at your own expense. “You need to take it easy. She lost her husband, and she…”
I hesitate telling Mark about Axel, not because he’ll think it’s a big deal. He’ll just know that if anything is going on between Andie and me, it’s not just for fun. “She has a son.”
He’s quiet on the other end of the line, and I think he’s processing that revelation. “Huh. First Shane, and now you.” He’s uncharacteristically soft and gentle.
It wasn’t the response I expected. I wonder what the hell is up with him.
He clears his throat. “So you’re even more into her than I thought.” I don’t answer, and he continues. “What are you going to do if you’re traded? You shouldn’t start something you’ll just have to walk away from. It sounds like she’s already been through enough.”
I bristle. I know very clearly what Andie’s already been through. I grip my steering wheel, wanting to roll down my window, and toss my phone out, hoping I’ll run over it. Everything is piling up, and the pressure is too much to bear. I feel like I might snap.
“I don’t have a freaking clue what I’m going to do. I have no idea if I’ll even be here tomorrow. I could get a call tonight andbe on a plane tomorrow, and then, you’re right, I’ll just have to walk away because Andie has been through enough.”
I let that hang there as I try to breathe through my anger.
“Listen, I know this sucks, but like it or not, it’s what we signed up for. We fought and worked our asses off for this job and life. I’m not saying it’s right, but if you care about this woman, which, given your tone, I suspect you do, you need to think about this. Don’t get caught up in something that could make things worse.”
I want to jump through the phone and rip his head off. Instead, I take a deep breath, trying to reel myself in. I know he isn’t trying to be a prick. He’s only looking out for me. But the thought of saying goodbye to Andie permanently has my stomach falling to the floorboard. It’s selfish, but I don’t want to.
I pull into my garage and let my head fall back on the headrest, trying to prevent myself from melting into a pile of angry defeat. “All of this is so messed up. I just want to live my life. I want the Tigers to make a decision and just get on with it.” I pause, thinking of Andie. “I want everyone to leave Andie alone and let me…”Figure this out with her.
“I know, man. I know this has all taken its toll. Maybe just give it a little time. Let Morgan move on to trying to ruin someone else’s life. Get some distance there. See what the Tigers are going to do. If you care about Andie, you need to put her first.”
He doesn’t understand putting her first means telling her goodbye, and I don’t know if I can do that. Shane said to hold on tight and not let go. I’m so freaking confused.
“Just be careful. Be smart.”
My loud, dramatic, and annoying brother is sensitive and thoughtful.What’s happening to my life?
I know he’s trying to help, but my temper is blazing while my burst of hope is being trampled. I was letting myself want thisone thing. Maybe it was too much to hope for. It's too much of a good thing to let myself think I might actually be able to have her.
We hang up, and inside my house, nightlights provide a faint glow that matches my gloomy mood. Dark, with only a glimmer of light that at any moment could go out.
I head straight to my room, then into my sauna, and while I let the steam work on my sore body, I think about all that Mark and Shane said. I feel like someone may as well rip me in half. I’d never want to hurt Andie, and with this trade looming, that might be exactly what I end up doing if I’m not careful.
I rest my head against the wall, and salty sweat stings my eyes. If it’s best for me to step away, we’ll do the event next weekend, and then she can get back to her life, and I’ll try to go on with mine.
That thought is like a kick in the stomach, making me get up and hit the shower. I sit in bed, staring at my phone. Andie still hasn’t played her word. It’s ridiculous, but if she plays her word, it gives me hope she’s thought of me too. It’s stupid, juvenile, and even girly, but I don’t care.
After next weekend, I have no idea what will happen. The trade deadline is approaching, and maybe I’ll be moving. Maybe I won’t ever see her again. Maybe it’s what she wants, but it’s not what I want.
I don’t want to lose Andie. Her honesty and candidness. She makes me feel normal and alive and accepts nothing but the real me. The Sean Greyson who grew up in the system with nothing and no one and somehow made it here.
It’s selfish, but I’ve never met someone like her. I want to be the one she lets in. The one who gets to know what goes on inside her head, all the things she hides so damn well.
I cave and send her a message. If I want to know what she’s thinking, I have to take a risk and try to find out. If next weekend is goodbye, I’ll have to let it be.
ME: How was rehearsal? You ready for next weekend?
