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“I imagine you do.”
Martin sounded satisfied. He’d planted doubt in Miranda’s head about Collin. About me. Would she still help me?
“Run home to him. I wouldn’t confront him about Addy, though, if I were you. Considering your condition and your goal of marriage and all, I would be careful not to bring up the woman he is still in love with.”
Miranda didn’t say anything, but I heard the private elevator ding on arrival.
The apartment went silent, except for the whir of the heater coming on and the sound of Martin’s ice clinking. I waited for him to come check on me, but as time went by, I drifted off. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before.
• • •
“Wake up.”
A kick into my side accompanied the command.
Holding in my cry of pain, I opened my eyes to see Martin standing over me. His dress shirt was completely unbuttoned, his thick hair shadowing his eyes.
“I’m awake.” I sat up. He held my leash in his hand, and I jerked to a stop, unable to straighten completely without choking myself.
“Martin, please.” The kick hadn’t been hard enough to hurt, but the pressure on my throat brought tears to my eyes.
“Why don’t you fight back anymore?” He slurred the question, and if my heart wasn’t already racing, it would have stopped. He was never reasonable when drunk.
I did fight back. As he lifted me off the floor, I kicked at him and clawed futilely at the collar.
Giving me a disgusted look, he dropped me, and I collapsed in a heap. The chain’s links clinked together, and the raspy sound of my ragged breathing filled the air. He preferred my defiance, so I withheld it. We had our own vicious circles within larger ones.
While I gasped for needed oxygen, he dropped down on a knee and stroked my hair gently, oh so gently.
More tears brimmed. He was always nice after he hurt me. One of the larger patterns. I craved the nice moments. At this point, I was starved for affection, any affection. Even Martin’s.
Was it any wonder why I despised myself most of all?
“I’ll fight back,” I choked out, my voice raspy. “Give me a chance to catch my breath.” I almost said I would do whatever he wanted me to. But that wouldn’t be defiance.
He pressed his lips to the top of my head and then swept my hair aside to kiss the side of my neck. I felt the tip of his wet tongue on my bruised skin and bit back a sob. He was feeling amorous. I was desperate for gentle affection, but not this. Any real passion I’d felt for him died the first time he hurt me.
“Give me your mouth, my darling,” he said, and I obediently lifted my head.
He captured my lips, spearing his tongue into my mouth. Climbing onto his lap, I sucked on his tongue hard as if I couldn’t get enough of the taste of him, but I wanted to gag. He groaned into my mouth. I gathered fistfuls of his hair at the nape, dragging my fingernails into his skin. He broke the kiss to rain kisses along my jawline.
“I want you, Addy. No woman I want more. Say the words. I want them.”
“I love you.”
“You don’t, you bitch.” He stood abruptly, and I tumbled off his lap.
Those words were usually a trap. Half the time, I was rewarded for them. The other half the time, I paid for them.
“Why Collin?” Martin asked. “Why him and not me?”
“I don’t love him.” I swallowed hard. It was true. Mostly. I loved the good parts. Treasured the way it had once been. But I couldn’t see myself ever loving again, even if given the opportunity.
“Tell me how you really feel about me.” Grabbing a fistful of my hair, Martin brought my nose to his.
My scalp burned. My stomach churned. He’d never asked this.
Digging deep, I summoned some of the old Addy. “Take off my collar, and I’ll tell you.”
