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“I’m so sorry, Addy.” He shook his head. “You said your mom was a drug addict, but I had no idea she treated you like that.”
I dropped my head. Curling my fingers into my palms, I got control of the trembling, then shifted in my seat to look at him.
Collin’s expression was soft. I couldn’t be soft. I had to be hard like a rock or my mother would crush me. If I broke, what would happen to Rachel?
“Yeah, this is pretty much my life,” I said bitterly. “She’s been like that for a while. But don’t feel sorry for me. Please don’t look at me with pity. I’m not a victim. I’m not weak.”
“I don’t pity you, and I don’t think you’re weak.” He reached for my hand again and squeezed my fingers. “She’s the weak one, your mother. A mother should protect her children, not hurt them.”
“She hasn’t been a mother since my father left us.”
“So, you take on that role for Rachel.” He nodded somberly. “It all makes sense now.”
He was right. In all the ways I could, I tried to protect my sister, but I worried I fell woefully short.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I hate that it’s like that for you. But it’s good for me to know so I can understand what you’re going through and maybe help you.”
“No one can help.”
“They can’t if you don’t let them.”
“I wish I could just erase it all. Rewind my life. Go back to before it all went wrong.” My eyes burned. That was a childish wish. After my acting-out phase, I gave up childish things. “But I know that’s not possible. If I want anything to change, I have to change it. Planning and hard work turn desires into reality.”
“You certainly have been working hard to make ABCR into a band.” He squeezed my hand again. “And we all appreciate it.”
“I haven’t really done anything,” I muttered.
“You brought us all together. You’re the visionary. Without you, the band would probably fall apart.” Collin gave me a long look. “Don’t sell yourself short.”
He sounded a lot like Barry.
“Thank you.” I pressed my lips together. “I’m still sorry you had to see that.”
“I wanted you to meet my family tonight.” His brows slashed seriousness into his eyes. “I think you’ll like them. I know they’ll like you. But we can go somewhere else instead, just the two of us. I have Andy’s van for the whole night. Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you.”
“A new mother,” I said quickly.
“I wish that were within my power.” Releasing my hand, Collin swiveled in his seat to face me more fully. “But I can promise that we’ll figure this out together.”
“Don’t do that.” I shook my head. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Don’t tie yourself to me and my mess. I have my life under control. Seven more months is all, and then I’ll be free of her.”
“Babe, you—”
“You have to give that to me,” I said, cutting him off. “Acknowledge my independence. I can stand on my own two feet.”
Otherwise, I knew, I was a victim. I had to stand on my own, no matter how much Collin said he cared. No matter how nice he seemed. My dad had seemed caring and nice too, and then he’d abandoned us without any warning, never to be heard from again.
“Okay, Addy.” Collin withdrew his hand and raked it through his hair. He turned the key, the engine started, and he glanced at me. “But you have to promise that if she hurts you or Rachel again, that you’ll tell me.”
“I promise.” I made the vow since that was what he needed to hear. But I knew my mother. I had seven more months. It was only a matter of time until she hurt me again.
“Okay.”
He backed the van out, steered it out of the complex, and took my hand again. Bringing it to his mouth, he pressed his warm lips to my knuckles. A pleasurable shiver rolled through me as he lifted his head and peered at me through his thick lashes.
“So, where do you want to go tonight?” he asked.
I wanted his lips on me ... everywhere. I wanted to forget my shitty life, get lost in the ecstasy that I knew he could give me.
