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My vision for the future was no longer untainted. Not when the boy I thought could be my forever had been keeping his drug use from me.
Itook overturned chairs off tables in the main section of the club, hit the switch to turn on the lighting, and doled out expensive bar mix into textured chrome bowls for the VIP section.
While I went through the motions, I listened to ABCR rehearse, pretending it didn’t affect me to be excluded, but it did. It so did. A sob was trapped inside my chest, so big that I felt like it might tear me apart.
“Hey.”
Teresa appeared out of nowhere, and I jumped.
“Sorry, lost in thought.” I made up an excuse that was close to the truth, instead of just saying that I was staring at a dream for others while feeling like I was slipping further and further away from all I knew.
“Is that what they call being sad these days?” she asked.
“Yeah.” Taking in her bag over her shoulder and the keys to her minivan in her hand, I asked, “You leaving?”
“Yes, and I’m leaving you in charge. I think you’re ready, but I can stay until customers arrive.” She searched my gaze. “If you’re nervous.”
“I’m okay.”
Teresa frowned. “Not sure about that. But you’re strong and capable. I believe in you, Addy Footit. You’ll get through this.”
Blinking against the sudden sting behind my eyes, I mumbled, “Thanks.”
My own mother had never said anything so encouraging to me, but I wouldn’t cry. Not for my mother who was gone but had been absent for a long time. Not for my situation. Not for my breakup with my boyfriend.
I did what I had to. Life kept relentlessly chugging forward, and I had to move forward too. An essential part of that was no more tears.
Watching Teresa go, I was distracted by the stage. No one was left. I hadn’t noticed the music stop.
But I should have registered the absence of the ice from the arctic stares I’d had to endure from the band.
Over the past week, I’d learned to compartmentalize. I focused on what had to be done, and shoved the rest deep down inside me like all the stuff jammed into my backpack from the apartment.
To get to what I needed, I had to dump everything out, which was a hassle. So, maybe I’d think about all the hurt, dump it all out, sort through and process it later, or maybe I wouldn’t. By the time I got to the storage room after my shift each night, I was really tired. Most nights, I was asleep as soon as I climbed into the sleeping bag.
I wanted to believe in myself like Teresa did. Trying to put into practice what she taught me, I made a sweep of the club. Everything seemed in order.
First, I checked to be sure that the staff were all properly attired. Martin was a stickler about uniformity. I went through the registers to be sure there was enough change. Then I talked to the entrance staff, giving them the go-ahead to begin letting the long line of patrons inside.
As the club filled up, I stood off to the side and observed. Most went to the bar, but a group of girls wearing fishnet stockings and skimpy short skirts went straight across the club and disappeared into the back hallway that led downstairs. I told myself not to think about who they were meeting. It wasn’t my business. What was my business was ensuring that ABCR was onstage on time. I kept checking the clock, but their scheduled performance time came and passed without them appearing.
Luckily, Martin hadn’t yet arrived. The only thing he disliked more than the staff not in proper uniform was tardiness.
Sighing, I threw down the bar towel I’d been using to wipe a spill and headed downstairs. I went to my sister’s dressing room first, but she wasn’t in it. My stomach tensing, I moved to the one where the guys usually hung out before the show and pushed open the ajar door.
Immediately, I froze solid. My heart stopped beating. They didn’t stop, though. Their joined and naked bodies continued to slap together.
“Oh, Collin.” Miranda moaned. “Yes.”
A strangled sound escaped past the lump in my throat. I wanted to run but couldn’t. Where would I go? I was stuck inside a nightmare called my life.
Collin isn’t yours anymore.
Telling myself that didn’t help. Seeing him with Miranda broke something inside me. It was over between us. So over.
I backed away, but additional details assaulted me that I couldn’t ignore.
His hands over hers on the wall. His body covering hers. The half-full whiskey bottle beside a drift of white powder on the table, and a couple of rolled-up dollar bills. Clothes everywhere. Not just Miranda’s and Collin’s, though they were the only people inside the room.
