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“Sebastian?”
Christ. I’m asking her for honesty, and I’m the asshole having trouble giving it. Truthfully, I want someone to love. I know that isn’t where I was going with this, but fuck it, that’s the real, honest answer. Except I know if I skip out, Bee will too, and the way she’s biting her lip is definitely rerouting my thoughts in the right direction.
“I’ve tried most things, and there is a lot I enjoy, but what I really want to do is to take my time. Touch all the places that get neglected: backs of the knees, inside the elbow. I’ll kiss every inch until they’re so turned on I barely have to breathe before they come for the first time. But that’s just the beginning. I’m going to spend as long as it takes, making them come over and over again. Wringing as much pleasure as possible until the only word they remember is my name.”
“Oh.”
She’s gone pink.
Fuck me, this was a bad, terrible, no-good idea.
“Now you,” I remind her.
“Okay,” she says, and for a moment, she hides half her face in her sweater. But then she clears her throat and lets it fall back down. “I, um, wow, this is harder than I thought it would be.”
“Would it help if you closed your eyes?”
“I don’t know.”
“Would it help if I closed mine? I can face the wall. Or hide behind the door.”
She laughs at the ridiculousness, her shoulders easing as the tension slips away, which was exactly what I was going for.
“I almost mentioned it once. To this guy I’d been seeing for a few months.”
I nod while imagining increasingly elaborate death scenes for him.
She continues. “But the one night he stayed over, he tossed and turned all night. I never got any sleep, so I just… didn’t.”
I add maiming to my imaginary kill count.
“I, uh.” She blinks slowly and takes a deep breath. I brace myself. “I’ve always liked the idea of being woken up by a lover who was already taking what he wanted from me.”
Holy fuck.
I know I asked, but this is a hundred times hotter than anything I expected. I want it, and I need to shift my position before how much I want it becomes abundantly clear to Bee.
“Taking how? How far is he going when you imagine it?” God help me, I want every single detail.
Bee’s blinking rapidly at her comforter. “More than kissing. Usually when I think about it.” She stops to swallow. Fuck, she’s probably gotten off to this. I’d like to say I won’t be, but I’d be a filthy fucking liar. “I like the idea of someone using their mouth on me while I’m asleep. Being woken up like that.”
Fucking. Christ.
I almost regret asking, because how in the living hell am I ever going to survive the image of that? I don’t know what to say. Where to begin.
I’m also glad I went first, because right now, I’m having a hard time redirecting the blood flow back up to my brain.
“There’s a word for that,” I say. I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve anymore. I should be steering the conversation away, making this easier on myself. But my upstairs brain isn’t in charge right now, and so I just have to hold on and hope for the best. “Somnophilia. What do you like about it?”
“Oh, um.” She seems surprised by the follow-up question. She’s not alone. “I guess I like the idea of someone taking care of me and wanting me so much they couldn’t wait. And when I picture it, I’m with someone I care about, someone I trust. That’s honestly why I’ve never told anyone before. I haven’t dated anyone I had that with.”
“That’s a goddamn shame, Bee, because you deserve someone who will give that to you. Someone you can be vulnerable with.”
She reaches out, hooking her pinky over mine. Its sweetness overwhelms me.
“Now that you’re helping me, hopefully I can find that someone.”
Reality crashes into me.
