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And myself.
“A real friend doesn’t need you to be anyone but yourself, whoever that is. This idea that you changed for the worse simply because you’re being honest about what you want now is complete and utter bullshit. Fuck anyone who would make you feel less about yourself. That’s not friendship.”
Could she really throw a decade of friendship away because of that, though? Wouldn’t that make her the bad guy in all this? Wouldn’t that be like saying she could only be friends with people who gassed her up? Or am I blowing this out of proportion?
“I’ve known her longer than anyone. Can I really throw all of that away because we grew into different people? Wouldn’t that make me a horrible person? I don’t think she’s a bad person, but…”
“But she’s not your person anymore.”
“No.” The ache in my chest intensifies. “I didn’t even notice it happening. One day she was my best friend, and the next she’s practically a stranger. Jokes I used to find funny are now offensive. Conversations that were easy are now stilted and difficult. I never noticed how much of our time together was spent drinking and bitching about how awful things were. Not until I came back.”
“It’s okay to grow out of friendships. You aren’t a bad person for realizing that. You’re allowed to change, Bee. But honestly, I wonder if you were ever really friends to begin with, because it seems as though you’ve never let yourself be who you really are. If she can’t like the person you are, then she doesn’t deserve the benefit of it.”
Gently, he leans in, kissing the tear tracks on my cheeks. “I think you know what your next challenge is.”
“I know.”
Sebastian strokes my hair. “I’m going to suggest something, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.”
But I already know what he’s going to say. “I’m going to make the appointment tomorrow.” It’s been a few years since I’ve seen my therapist, but I trust her, and it’ll help. I chance a smile, the first of the day, and it casts off the anchor weighing me down. Another of Sebastian’s innate gifts. “As nice as they are, this is something neither your mouth nor your dick can solve.”
Hearing his laughter is the final key, cracking open my chest and pouring the sunlight in.
“I’ll give you nice,” he growls against my lips, pulling me into his lap and proving me at least 70 percent wrong. They might not solve it, but his mouth and his cock go a long,longway to help.
26
SEBASTIAN
Unease has settledin my gut. In the week since her night out with Morgan, Bee has been quieter, more reserved, although she hasn’t gone back to hiding in her room, so I haven’t pushed, even though I want to.
I hate how impotent I feel, but I know, maybe better than anyone, that some hurts only get worse when other people try to solve them.
Only I’d hope I’m more than “other people” to Bee. Hope that I count as more.
I try not to let my disappointment show.
“Almost ready to go?” I throw my jacket on.
“Yep.”
A lock of hair falls over her face as she ties her shoelaces. No matter how many times she curls it around her ear, it keeps slipping.
Smiling, I bite back the words I so badly want to say.
You’re precious to me. Stay here. Stay forever. Be mine.
Instead, I cross my ankles and lean against the wall as I drink in my fill of her. Not that I’ll ever reach my fill.
Bee looks up and moans. “Always with the pockets. I can’t.”
“What about them?”
“You always have your hands in them. It drives me crazy.”
I step into her space, crowding her against the wall. “Do you know why? Because if I don’t, I won’t stop touching you.”
Her lips always taste so sweet. Maybe we can be a little late.
