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“That’s incredible, congratulations. I knew you could do it.” He curls his hand around my neck, and I sigh at the slight pull against my scalp as he catches his fingers in my hair. This man. I’m a slave to the pull of him.
“So,” he asks. “Have you sent it yet?”
“No.”
He doesn’t ask why. We both know the reason. Once I send it, the clock starts, and the answer I get determines what I do next.
Instead, he leads me to his room, and we don’t talk. Not about the future or the one secret I didn’t share with Aiden today. Not about Morgan, or the book, or what will happen with the house.
“I’m proud of you,” he says later, while a stew is simmering and we’ve parted for air. “That was a lot of honesty for one day.”
“It went better than I expected.”
“I don’t mean to say I told you so?—”
I kiss him before he can finish.
“Then don’t.”
I’m smiling, but it drops when I realize he isn’t.
“Bee,” he says, and those pesky storm clouds make their return. I guess even a great orgasm can’t keep the weather away.
He wants to tell Aiden. I get it, I do. But…
“I can’t.”
He sighs, a deep heave of his shoulders, and shifts his jaw.
He’s stalling for time, but I can’t tell whether it’s because he’s thinking of what to say or waiting for me to talk. Admittedly, I’m great at filling silences. “The space between words,” my professor used to say, “is often more important.” At the time, I didn’t understand. I’ll takewords any day. Especially those said by Sebastian. Strong, declarative words that can pick a person up and hold them against walls while they fuck them.
“Why? Because you need to move back? Because I don’t believe that. You can write from anywhere, so that is an easy excuse to fall back on when you don’t want to face the truth.”
He really thinks he knows better than me. “Which is?”
“That you’re afraid of getting hurt.”
How dare he? I drop my eyes, hands clenching at my sides. So what if I’m afraid? Doesn’t he understand that I’m protecting him as well?
He continues. “How can buying a house be easier for you than admitting you care about me?”
“It’s because I care about you that I can’t tell him.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “You asked me to be honest, so I am. If that means you want to end this?—”
“No,” he says.
“Don’t torture yourself on my account. I can go back to Aiden’s, let you find a roommate?—”
Sebastian is suddenly inches away, tipping my chin up. “You’re not going anywhere. Not because of me. That’s the last thing I want.”
Me too.
His gaze flickers down to my lips and back when I slide my arms around his waist. If we ever do end things, there isn’t a place on earth I could go that would put enough space between us. The need to touch him, to breathe him in, is too great.
There might be some words I can’t say yet, but there’s a hell of a lot I want to tell him.
