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Is that why he wants to go back to his place?
“Will your fraternity brothers mind?”
He shrugs. “I mean, I don’t see why they’ll care.” His gaze dips to my chest and he licks his lips. “We’ll just go to my room.”
“To your room,” I repeat as if I didn’t hear him right.
One corner of his mouth tips up in a sly smile. “I think we can find something to entertain ourselves.”
“Um, actually,” I press a hand to my stomach as it does a slow roll, and not the good kind. “I’m not really feeling all that well. I think it was all that sugar from the drink, maybe. Can I get a rain check?”
I don’t even wait for his reply as I start to back down the sidewalk, offering him a smile of apology before turning back toward campus as I curse myself for being such a baby.
This is what college kids do, right?
They go back to their dorms or their apartments and hook up.
It’s not like I have to have sex with him.
There are other things we can do.
Hell, we’ve only kissed once at the club.
So, why did he ask me to go back to his place? Wasn’t that a little . . . fast?
I rake my hands through my hair, frustrated with myself.Not every boy has to turn into a relationship, Brynn.
But the truth is, I want to date, but I also want it to go somewhere. Iwanta relationship. I’m not sure I’m built for casual hookups. And why would I want to be? What’s the point? If I want to get off, I can handle that shit myself.
No. I’ve seen the ugly side of lust. Witnessed firsthand what it can do, the destruction it can cause.
I want someone who will court me. Someone who does nice things for me just because they care. Someone to send me flowers just because. Who thinks of me when I’m not around. Who wants to be with me every waking moment because he can’tget enough of me. I want to hear a love song play on the radio and smile because the lyrics remind me of him.
Call me a sap. Call me old fashioned or a romantic. It’s probably what led me to fall for the secret admirer schtick back in high school. But I refuse to bend on what I want just because boys like Stanley—and Jace—think it’s okay to use women for one thing.
I want a fresh start, to turn over a new leaf, and have the kind of social life I didn’t allow myself to have in high school. But that doesn’t mean it has to include hooking up.
I define my life.
I decide my needs.
I hold my head high as I cross the courtyard on campus, catching sight of the dormitories looming ahead.
I’m proud of myself for knowing what I want and not feeling the pressure to cave for any less than what I’m worth.
When I enter Hyde Hall, I head to my room on the first floor, relieved to find my roommate gone. Flopping back in my bed, I text Charlotte and Samantha, but they don’t answer, so I order a pizza and decide on a night in.
A couple hours later, I’m polishing off the last of my small pepperoni and watching the end of a rom-com when Jace’s name lights up the screen of my phone.
I almost swipe it away, ignoring it, but curiosity gets the best of me as I read what it says.
ME: Are you still with that douche dick?
I clench my teeth and contemplate lying, but I’d rather let him stew.
BRYNN: Sorry. Can’t answer right now. Busy.
Someone bangs on my door at the same time my text goes through, and I swallow. For a moment, I imagine it’s Jace, hereto give me a lecture. But when I crack the door open, Charlotte’s smiling face stares back at me. “Want to watch a movie with us? I have brownies.”
