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When our boat launches, Elise and I move out onto the deck, where we sit huddled close together against the wind but enjoying the sun and light spray of the water. We pass rock formations jutting out of the water where seals and sea lions are sunning themselves, a porpoise swims beside the boat at one point, and then the engines cut out and we’re in open water.
Elise stands on one side of the boat and I stand on the other, each of us watching and waiting with bated breath. I had the opportunity to take a trip my senior year that would have included whale watching, snorkeling, and visiting Monterey Bay, but we made the Women’s College World Series that year. The trip wasn’t a requirement, and I didn’t want to let my team down, so I skipped it. I’ve never seen large marine mammals in the wild, and most aquariums don’t house them anymore, unless they are being rehabilitated or can’t be released back into the wild.
Elise calls me over to her side of the boat, and the shadow of something under the surface is visible just a moment before an orca breaches the water. It is the most majestic thing I’veseen in my life. The boat rocks a bit as the whale splashes back into the water. I didn’t even think to take out my phone and get a video or picture, but I know I’ll remember this moment for the rest of my life.
In total, we see three more whales during our tour before heading back to the harbor. We managed to get a few pictures after the first whale breach, and after a few more hours on the water, we’re headed back toward the harbor. We sit inside on the return trip, clutching fresh cups of coffee in our hands and Elise asks all kinds of questions about the different species of whales we just saw, the seals and sea lions, and even some of the birds we saw, but I’m not as well versed in seabirds as I am underwater life.
“Why kindergarten?” I finally ask after a break in our conversation about marine biology.
“I actually have a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering. I’m working on a masters in physics.” After I pick my jaw up off the floor Elise continues on. “I’ve always been fascinated by the way things work, so I thought why not look for ways to make a career out of that. But I wanted to teach, so my brother’s encouragement — and help — I went back to school. By then I was divorced and ready for a fresh start.”
Elise exhales a long, slow breath at the mention of her divorce. I give her the time she needs to sit with that.
“But why kindergarten?” She smiles, and I can feel the warmth of it from here. “I studied physics because I’m fascinated by the way things work, and kindergartners are fascinated by the world around them. They have the same curiosity that I always had, and still do, I wanted to help foster that. And when the high school had an opening for a softball coach last year, I jumped at the chance.”
After we’ve docked at the harbor, Elise and I head downtown to grab lunch at a gluten free bakery that Elise researchedand wanted to try. As we stand in line before approaching the counter, I’m pretty impressed with what I can see of their menu so far, and am even more excited when I receive my sandwich and the bread is toasted but not falling apart.
“I hope I’m not prying if I ask, do you have celiac disease?”
“You’re not prying at all, and I probably should have told you when I moved in and took over a shelf in your pantry. I don’t have celiac disease, but I do have a gluten allergy. If I ingest gluten I will have some similar symptoms as someone with celiac, but without long lasting intestinal damage and the autoimmune response that happens with celiac disease.”
“I’m sorry…but that has to suck.”
“Sometimes it does,” I laugh, “but gluten free options are better now than what they used to be. There are times though, that I really just want a giant plate of biscuits and gravy. And I know there are gluten free flours and alternatives on the market, but they just aren’t the same. I would intentionally gluten myself for that.”
“Worth the pain?”
“Probably not, but I’d do it anyway.”
As the day wears on, I find myself dreading going home and facing the reality of our day tomorrow, and when I see Max at the grill, Kaline at his feet hoping for anything that may be dropped, and Sam sitting nearby plucking on the strings of Max’s guitar, my heart clenches in my chest. It’s not just me and Elise who would be impacted by whatever might – or might not – happen tomorrow. There’s a whole world outside of Olympians Stadium that would miss Max like crazy.
I’ve heard the question asked before, when it comes toathletes being traded: what about their friends? Their family? What if they have kids in school and can’t pull them for a move at this stage in the season? Pets that can’t go with them right away? There are so many moving parts in front offices across the country right now; scouts sending in reports and accountants looking at payroll and available cash. Players wondering if they’ll be in the same uniform two days from now, and families questioning whether or not they’ll go to bed in the same houses tomorrow night. Tomorrow all the questions will be answered, but the unknown is daunting.
I’ve seen a handful of trades to and from Seattle in my six years with the club, but in that time we’ve mostly traded prospects and draft picks. That’s how we got Perez two years ago, and Luca the year before that. I’ve never had to worry about losing anyone, and even if I did, I’ve never had to worry about losing someone Ilove.The thought of going to work with Max tomorrow and not coming home with himscares me.
When the food is ready, we eat on the patio, silence – tense and uncomfortable – hangs between us. We’re all thinking the same thing, and we’re all too afraid to talk about it. Kaline is unbothered; he’s curled up just inside the door of the house with Loretta curled up next to him. I wish I were as relaxed as they are right now. Instead I gather up dirty dishes with shaking hands and make my way into the kitchen.
I plug the sink and fill it with soap and near-scalding water, plunging my hands in and ignoring the sting of the water as I scrub and rinse plates and silverware and glasses. A warm touch on my back startles me and a plate clatters into the sink when I jump back, heart racing, as Max looks at me apologetically.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” his voice is soft, eyebrows furrowed as he watches me. “I was worried about you.”
“You’ve been in the league longer than me…”
“Are you calling me old, Duckling?”
“Don’t try to make me laugh right now, Maxwell.” I rinse the soap from my hands and dry them with the nearest towel before turning back to Max, arms crossed over my chest in an attempt to keep him at a distance. “You’ve been in the league longer than I have. You’ve seen more deadline day trades than I have. What happens…to us?”
“Option one,” Max’s hands gently grip my upper arms, he doesn’t try to hug me, or get me to hug him, he just steadies me. “We both come home tomorrow night and it’s business as usual.”
“And option two?”
“Option two,” Max takes a step closer, one hand snaking around to my lower back, the other gently thumbing away the tears that have slipped down my cheeks. “I go where they tell me. You stay here, and we learn to be long distance until I come home at the end of the season and retire.”
“Retire?”
“I’ve made my choice,” he gives me a small smile, “this is it for me, no matter what happens tomorrow. I just haven’t told anyone but you yet.”
“You’re sure that’s what you want?”
