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“I’ll try.”
What she said was entirely true. I did feel that way. I did feel…
“I’ll try to think about just me.”
“Good,” Ocean’s voice sounded normal now. “I’m glad. Let me know what you decide. I have to go.”
She hung up without letting us say goodbye, leaving Trinity and me hovering in the silence.
“What the hell was that about?” Rin asked. “Other than you. You know what I mean.”
I did. “No idea. She seemed good yesterday. Normal. Can you try to find out?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I will. And Iz?”
“Mm?”
“She’s right.”
“Yeah.” My throat felt thick. “I know.”
“Talk to you later.”
The phone went dead in my hand, and I stared at the ceiling. It was one thing to know something about yourself, and another thing to have someone tell you. I curled onto my side, trying to ease the tightness in my chest.
It was shame.
Shame that I’d let myself cling to Beau so desperately that him doing what he’d done had destroyed me. Shame that I was so afraid of myself and my own judgment I felt paralyzed. Shame that I felt… worthless.
The shitty thing about realizations was that even if you had one, it didn’t make the feelings go away. I was still terrified.But Ocean saying‘you have achoice,’ like she didn’t, gave me enough of a push to try.
Setting my phone aside, I went into the closet to change into my bathing suit and something simpler. I love dresses, but for this I needed to feel like me.
Here went nothing.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
________
ISOLDE
Orange, yellow, and pink lit up the sky like someone took paint and smeared it across the surface. Windswept clouds catching the colorful light and reflecting it back. The surface of the sea mirrored all that brightness, a smudged and gorgeous copy of all the dying beauty, disappearing into infinity.
My bare feet touched the sand, and I sighed, all the tension leaving my body. Ocean breeze carried the scent of salt and sun, the gentle, rhythmic sound of the waves lifting all the heaviness on my chest and shoulders.
This is what I missed the most. Just this. Standing in the face of something sohugeand feeling like it saw you. Like you breathed, and it breathed back.
The fire was at the north end of our beach, near the cliffs. The bases were worn away into arches and caves that were as gorgeous to explore as they were terrifying at high tide. But I loved them. The hours I’d spent hiding from everyone and just enjoying the ocean were more than I’d ever admit.
I took my time walking down the beach. The guys were already there. Rowan and Vaughn towered over everyone else. After spending the day away from them, I wasn’t sure how they would greet me. Or how they would respond to what I would ask.
Isolde Allen, I am not pretending with you.
What the hell did that mean? I hadn’t let myself think about it. But now that I was opening myself up to possibilities, I couldn’tnotthink about it.
I had a blue bikini on under the shorts and shirt I wore. Even in summer the air took on a chill after sunset. Hence the thin shirt. That, and I wanted something to cover my skin while I was deciding. If they touched me too much, I would make the decision based on that alone.
Trinity would tell me it meant my body had already decided. Ocean would tell me it was smart to keep small checks and balances. Me? I didn’t know. I was diving in head first and had no idea how it would turn out. We would have a conversation at some point tonight, and then…
