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I shrugged. “I go in pools and hot tubs, but it’s been a while. Just in the shallows.”
“Do you know how to float?” There was no judgment in his tone.
“Yeah. Haven’t done that since I was a kid, though.”
Rising up, he caught my lips with his, using the motion to ease me down further into the water. “Still trust me?”
All I could do was nod.
“Lie back. I’ll have you the whole time. Promise.”
I believed him.
Stretching my body out, I took a deep breath and let the water—and Vaughn—hold me. A wave splashed over my face, and the fear came roaring back. I thrashed, only to find Vaughn’s arms beneath me. Holding me up. Making sure I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’ve got you,” he said quietly, moving one hand under my head.
The world grew quieter with my ears under the water. I closed my eyes, choosing this moment to let go and trust. If now wasn’t the time, when was?
I floated, inhaling the sea salt and tang of citrus from Vaughn. This was…
Wonderful.
Knowing someone was there to keep anything from happening let me ease into it. My body felt heavier even though it wasn’t. And no fucking wonder. Had I ever had this simple feeling of safety with Beau?
No.
That was the answer. No matter how long we’d been together, I could now look back and see how I’d always kept an eye over one shoulder. Kept everything together with my own two hands. Keptmyselfsafe.
Until I couldn’t even do that.
Hot tears flooded my eyes, followed by grief so sharp I couldn’t breathe. One slipped out from beneath my closed lids, and I heard Vaughn suck in a breath. “Isolde? Are you okay? Is it too much?”
“It’s not that,” I managed. “I’m… okay.”
Vaughn floated me toward the shallows, lifting me out of the water and cradling me all the way to the towel he’d laid out. “You don’t seem like you’re okay.”
Lying beside me, he kept me close. A hand on my hip, thumb teasing the edge of my bathing suit. He propped up his head on one hand.
The way his body stretched out next to mine, I couldn’t help but look. A tattoo peeked out from his bathing suit, begging me to find out what it was, and the water dripping down his chest mesmerized me. I reached out and touched him, tracing lines down his wet skin, and Vaughn didn’t stop me.
“Have you ever had a moment where you looked back and realized how foolish you’d been? The truth of everything just slams into you and you can’t stop it? You have to face it, even if it’s painful?”
He slid his hand up my side, finally brushing a soaked strand of hair behind my ear. “I think everyone’s had a moment like that.”
A laugh without any joy. “That’s what the last few days have been like. On repeat. The five of you. You’re not even with me, and you’re showing me how badly I was treated and still thought I was happy. I thought I was loved.” My voice cracked on the word. “And it hurts. Maybe more than it did before. Because I’m not grieving for him, I’m grieving forme. I did that. I stayed. I didn’t realize that I was a placeholder in someone’s life until they didn’t want me. I feel so stupid.”
Vaughn looked at me for a while, searching my face. Again, no judgment. It felt like he was looking for the right words.
“You are not stupid, foolish, or any of those words for believing someone who offered you the world with no intention of delivering it. That man is a fucking fool for ever thinking he could do better than you.” He closed the distance between us. “His loss.”
I kissed him like it was real. Like Vaughn was mine. Like the whole pack was mine and after Ellie’s wedding we’d be going home together. And for this brief moment, it didn’t hurt.
“Did he?” I asked when we broke apart for breath. “Did he offer me the world?”
“You were with him for four years, you lived with him, and without you telling him, I imagine you thought you would marry or bond with him eventually. Right?”
“Yeah.”
