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“Don’t worry, Peter. Everything’s okay.”
I flicked on the lamp. “Where is it? I want to see it.”
“The condom?” Adam asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.
I clenched my jaw and started to climb over him to get to the trash can on his side of the bed. He reached down and snatched a used condom out of it before I could. “See?” He frowned. “What’s your problem?”
“Nothing.”
Adam sighed. He tossed the condom back in the trash. “If you want to talk about condoms, can we do it in the morning? I’ve got to drive back to Atlanta in a few hours, and I’m beat.”
I didn’t want to talk about condoms at all, actually. I hated talking about them.
“Weird condom fetish you’ve developed,” Adam murmured, cuddling me close. “Do you want to drink my cum out of it or something?”
I snarled, shoving him away. “No. I’m just—”
“Go to sleep.” He rolled onto his side, his back to me. “You’re exhausted too. Tomorrow morning will be here soon enough.”
I didn’t sleep another wink.
Finally, as dawn started to glow in between the blinds, I climbed out of bed and counted the condoms in the trash can by the pink light of morning.
There were seven and I was pretty sure we’d fucked seven times.
Pretty sure.
***
“What’s the matter?”Adam asked. We stood by the front door, and he tried to wrap his arms around my neck, but I took a step away from him.
I swallowed and pushed my glasses up on my nose. “Did you really use a condom last night? The last time?” My own balls had barely coughed up a drop after the day we’d had, he’d probably been just as depleted, if not more, when he’d come. There wouldn’t have been much evidence.
Hurt flashed over his face. “You think I’d just come inside you without agreeing to it first?”
“I don’t know.” And I really didn’t. I didn’t trust him. My blood went cold, and I shivered.
“I’d never do that without you knowing.”
I stared into his eyes, trying to gauge if he was telling the truth. I remembered the lies he’d spun to Leslie last night, how easily they’d rolled out of his mouth. “Some guys think going without feels better,” I said.
Adam rolled his eyes. “Duh. But I wouldn’t spring it on you in the middle of the night. Is that what you think of me?” His eyes went distant and wounded, like I’d slapped him out of the blue. “You do, don’t you? You think I’d just slip it in while you were asleep.”
“I don’t remember you taking the condom off.”
“You were exhausted! We both basically passed out.” Adam’s lips trembled. “Do you know why I’d never do that? Because I want it to be special when we go bare for the first time. I want it to be something we both remember.” He chewed on his cheek.
I stepped forward, my gut twisting. “I’m sorry.” I rubbed his crossed arms. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m tired and confused. I guess I was wrong.”
“You were wrong,” Adam said firmly.
I hugged him and yielded, giving up the line of questioning. Adam was a lot of things, but he’d never put me in harm’s way in the past, and he was nothing if not protective of me. He’d been so angry over Jeremy and the GHB incident.
Still, my gut twisted.
All morning, I’d been preparing to tell him I couldn’t do this anymore, that I wasn’t going to lie to Leslie for even one more day. But now I wavered. I’d hurt him with my accusation, and in the light of day it seemed ridiculous. I’d counted the condoms, for fuck’s sake.
Adam hitched his small bag up on his shoulder and sighed. “Is this because of what happened to you this summer?”
