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“No, I don’t,” Daniel said.
I slumped with relief at his denial.
Daniel continued. “But there are nine of us sitting here at this table, and one of us could be positive right now. Condoms work, but do we always use them? We should, but I know some of you don’t. And a few more of us will probably be infected before the end of our lives if science can’t beat this disease. That’s almost certain.”
My heart ached with sadness, fear, and guilt too. There were men out there like me, men whose only crime was love, and for the expression of that love they were dying.
“Has everyone here been tested?” Daniel asked.
Robert and Barry had, Joe hadn’t, Greg had, Ellis had, and Antonio had. Daniel looked at Windy and Minty, who both looked away, and then he looked at me. I swallowed hard and avoided his eyes. Except for that night in Tilt-a-Whirl, I’d only been with Adam and we’d used condoms. We’d been safe. I was okay.
Probably.
Daniel turned to Minty and spoke pointedly, making it clear they’d had this conversation before. “I’ll go with any one of you to the clinic, and I’ll be there for you through it all.” He put his hand on Minty’s neck and shook him a little. “And I meanallof it. If it’s negative, I’ll celebrate with you. If it’s positive, I’ll stick it out until the very end with you. I’d never abandon any of my friends.” He looked at Greg, who was looking kind of faint. “Even you. Even though I’ve just met you. Becausesomeoneloves you and would want you treated right.”
Everyone was quiet and stared at their tacos. No one took a bite.
“Way to kill a party, dude,” Antonio said.
“Yeah, Daniel, way to bring everyone down,” Minty whispered.
“Happy birthday, Peter,” Windy said. “Surprise, you got Daniel’s patented AIDS and HIV talk.”
Daniel sighed, his cheeks flushing a little. “Sorry. It’s just when you’ve seen the things…” He cleared his throat and shook his head. “You know what? I’m not going to finish that sentence because we’re having a nice party here, and we’re going to have a good time.”
My heart ached, and my stomach fluttered. I couldn’t look away from his profile. He was a good person. If I’d had any doubt, everything he’d just said spelled that out loud and clear. Daniel McPeak was a very good man.
The silence lingered, and Daniel picked up his glass. “So, um, to Peter, happy birthday. And, uh, to the Slide?” he asked.
I clinked my glass to his. “To Renée! To the Slide!”
Everyone stared at us like we were laughing in the middle of a funeral.
Daniel’s cheeks flushed darker. “Is it too late? Did I really ruin it?”
“No, baby, you didn’t ruin it,” Robert said and raised his glass. “To Daniel, who wants to teach us all how to love each other better.”
“But who also scares us shitless,” Barry added.
“And who ruins good parties,” Minty said.
Everyone clinked their glasses and I had a hard time swallowing around the lump in my throat.
***
Night fell heavilyaround us. After lighting sparklers and Roman candles in Robert’s backyard, I walked out to my car with a spring in my step, enjoying the summer sound of cicadas and clutching my Leica to my chest. I paused to look back over my shoulder, grinning at the cheerful lights in Robert’s house.
The front door opened and Daniel called, “Peter, wait up!”
He took my breath away jogging toward me, all fluid movement. His tanned skin shone in the burgeoning moonlight. Somehow, he’d grown even more handsome to me over the course of the evening. I took a quick photo of him and leaned against my car door.
He stepped close, into my space. I held my breath, my heart in my throat. This was it. He was going to kiss me. But he only smiled and brushed his hands tenderly through my hair.
“Don’t ever use product. No matter what Minty says. It looks good like this.”
I licked my lips. It was hard to breathe. “Thanks.”
“Uh…” He cleared his throat and looked back toward Robert’s porch where Minty, Windy, and Antonio were watching us and laughing. “Look at those assholes.”
