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I trembled as I came in my sweatpants, letting loose that whining noise Adam had mentioned. I slowly pumped my dick through the small aftershocks.
Adam came too on the other end of the line, the small delay in the cross-Atlantic call emphasizing the sudden groan and whimpers.
“Your big, fat cock?” I laughed.
“Fuck you,” he said, cracking up across the world from me. “I’m horny! I’m so horny and there’s no one to fuck.”
“I guess it’s hard to go from two regular sex suppliers down to zero.”
Adam went quiet, and I squeezed my eyes shut, regretting my words. “Hey, that was a great birthday present,” I said softly, trying to undo the hurt.
“The best one you got?” he asked, thready neediness lacing his voice.
I flashed back to Daniel’s smile as he’d handed over the mixtape he’d made. “Yeah,” I lied again, getting up to grab some napkins from the counter to deal with the mess in my sweats. “The best. Thanks.”
“Of course. Happy birthday, Eater.”
We talked about his return to the States, and made plans for him to visit me the weekend after his orientation at Oglethorpe.
I picked at the hem of my sweatshirt again, confused and sad, wanting the phone call to be over so I could go to sleep and wake up to a new day.
“I can’t wait to see you,” Adam enthused.
“Me too.” I rubbed at my eyes beneath my glasses. The burst of gold behind my lids when I pressed on them reminded me of the glint in Daniel’s eyes. Earlier on in the night, he’d used a shimmering gold sparkler to spell out his name in the darkness, grinning like a kid.
My heart squeezed.
Before we hung up, Adam said, “Hey, I wasn’t kidding, you know. I’m really insanely horny over here. You wouldn’t mind if I got off with someone, right? I mean, it’d be meaningless. Like when you were at Tilt-a-Whirl. Just a blow job or something. Nothing dangerous.”
My mind whirred as I sat in stunned silence. Robert was right after all. Did he have someone picked out already? Had he met a guy or girl?
My skin flashed hot and cold, and I whispered, “Is this some kind of punishment? Are you trying to get back at me?”
“No! I’m not. I swear.” He groaned again. “Aren’t you horny without me, Peter?”
“Yeah, but that night at the club was an accident.”
“I know.”
“Fine. Do what you want,” I said. “You will anyway. It never matters to you how anyone else feels.”
“It matters,” Adam said, hurt infusing his voice.
“Oh, yeah? Then ask Leslie what she thinks.”
Adam scoffed. “You know I can’t do that.”
My gut curled in on itself, and I wanted to go be alone in my room. “I’m tired. It’s late.”
Adam sighed. “Are you mad?”
“No.” Another lie, though I felt more of a bone-deep sadness than anything.
“Peter, I won’t sleep with anyone, okay? I’m sorry I even asked.”
I didn’t answer, my chest aching and doubt chipping away at my heart.
“I love you. You know that, right? You know how much I need you, don’t you? You’re the only person who really knows me.”
