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Isat atthe kitchen counter and stared at Adam’s postcard, annoyed that I was going to have to reply. I scrubbed at my face and tossed it aside, glaring up at the ceiling. Why did he have to push it? Why couldn’t he just let this summer play out, and then come back this fall ready to commit to me?
Never mind thatthatoutcome wasn’t anything he’d ever promised. That’s why I was doing this, wasn’t it? Because if things weren’t different this fall, if he kept on with the lies, then I needed to know I could stand on my own two feet. My whole life couldn’t revolve around him again. Not like it had our senior year. I was older now and getting wiser.
And it’s not like I was doing anythingwrongby having my own friends and a life that didn’t include him. He had Rome, and Leslie, and Oglethorpe this fall. I had Robert, Barry, Tilt-a-Whirl, Daniel and the gang, and now Bobby even. I’d visited him with Daniel a few more times.
Still, all it took was one postcard and I was tying myself up in knots again. I scratched at my arms and checked the time. It was afternoon in Rome. His dad may or may not be there, but fuck it—I’d call now and check in. Then Adam wouldn’t worry, and he’d leave me alone until he got back next month. Things would be better when we were face-to-face again.
“Hey,” I said when Adam picked up the phone. “It’s me.”
There was a moment’s delay and then Adam’s wary reply. “Hold on, okay?” The sound of his footsteps and then the closing of a door filtered over the line. “Peter? You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just working a lot. I got your postcard.” I cleared my throat and sat back down at the kitchen counter. I picked up the card in question, flipping it over to look at the photo of the Pantheon on the front. “I’m not mad at you or anything. Just busy.”
“Robert has that much for you to do?”
I worked four days a week for Robert and was squirreling a good amount of cash away, but I didn’t want to talk about my job. I knew Adam had never completely approved of it since it took my focus off of him, and his opinion of Robert and Barry had dropped even more since the Jeremy incident. “Yeah, and I’ve been taking a lot of pictures. Keeping busy with that.”
That was a half-truth. I had so many undeveloped rolls to deal with this fall when I finally got access to a darkroom again that I’d slowed down my outings. Besides, there was a lot less time for it when I spent most of my daylight hours at Robert’s, or out at Bobby’s with Daniel, or going to movies with Minty, Antonio, and Windy.
I cleared my throat, trying to figure out how to talk about my life without actually mentioning any details.
“You sound weird,” Adam said. “Like you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying.”
Just leaving a lot of things out.
Adam made a sad sound and whispered, “I’m losing you. It’s like I barely know you anymore.”
“You know me,” I reassured him. “I’m just Peter.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t sound convinced. “When I come home, are you even going to want to see me?”
“What kind of question is that?” I shifted on the stool, irritated. “You’ve promised this fall is going to be different, and I’ve been counting on that. I’ve based all my plans on it.”
“What kind of plans?” His voice grew wary again. “You know I’ll be in Atlanta.”
“I know.” My contacts felt dry, and I rubbed at my eyes with my fists. “Let’s not fight.”
“We aren’t fighting.”
The ball of irritation and anxiety in my gut said otherwise. I sighed. “Tell me about what you’re doing. Rome is a lot more interesting than Knoxville.”
“I’ve been missing you. And, for the record, I didn’t get off with anyone, and I’m not going to. That was just my dick talking. I wouldn’t do that to Leslie…or to you.”
I sat in silence, my brain itching and my mouth ready to shoot off.
“Peter?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know. Thanks?”
“You want me to thank you for not cheating on me with yet another person?”
Adam groaned. “Dammit, I thought you said you didn’t want to fight!”
“I’m not fighting with you. I’m just tired.” I let out a heavy sigh.
