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I nodded.And you’re not waiting for me anymore. That’s okay. That’s smart.
“Peter?”
I realized I hadn’t answered. “Yeah, I’m still waiting to see what happens this fall. I owe him that.”
Daniel cleared his throat. “Right. Well, okay. Tell Bobby hi for me. And tell him I’ll see him Saturday, okay?”
“Sure. No problem.”
“And Peter?”
“Yeah?”
“Drive safely. The sun shines weirdly that time of day on Alcoa, and it can be hard to see his turn.”
I half-laughed, a bitter taste on my tongue. “Thanks. Enjoy your hike.”
We stayed on the line in silence for a few seconds until finally Daniel disconnected. I put the handset in the cradle and waited for the gnawing feeling in my gut to pass.
It didn’t.
It was all too familiar, and I hated it so much. The hatred just made it hurt worse.
Later, on Alcoa Highway with the sun glaring into my eyes, I turned onto Bobby’s road without incident and parked outside his house. Unlike Daniel, I didn’t have a key, so I had to wait forever and a day for Bobby to get to the door on his walker.
“C’mon in, kid. Daniel’s got another big date with this Jack-hole, I hear.”
I stepped into his kitchen and scooped Milky Way up where she wriggled at my feet. “Jack-hole? You don’t like him?” The black cloud hanging over me thinned just a bit.
“He’s fine. Cute enough. Met him a few days ago.” Bobby aimed the walker back toward the living room. “C’mon, I’ll tell you everything I know about him. I bet you’re eating your shorts in jealousy, am I right?”
I followed on his heels, making sure he didn’t fall, half-desperate to hear what he was going to say about Jack and half-scared to know. What if Jack was so much better than me?
I let Milky Way out the side door as Bobby got settled, and when she hustled back in, I sat on the couch, petting her absently.
“So,” Bobby began. “I can’t lie to you, kid. He’s cute. Not nearly the mess you are, that’s for sure, but Daniel doesn’t spark with him. Not like he does with you. Don’t worry. It won’t last.”
“It won’t?”
He shrugged and scrunched up his lips. “Nah. Once they shoot a load or two off, it’ll fizzle.”
I closed my eyes. Nausea swelled at the thought of Daniel having sex with another guy. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I saw the way Daniel looks at you and the way he looks at him. No comparison.” Bobby smacked the arm of the La-Z-Boy. “But kid, you gotta jump. Someone else might come along he sparks with, and boom, then he’ll be gone for real. What are you waiting for? That dumb boy in Rome isn’t going to be your savior. You know that, don’t you?”
I sighed and patted Milky Way. “Things could be different this fall. What if I miss out on something great? What if Daniel ‘shoots a few loads off’ with me and it fizzles? After I’ve blown everything with Adam?”
“Risks. That’s what life’s all about.” Bobby raised an eyebrow. “But take it from me: always use a condom when taking those risks.”
I huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I know. Everyone keeps saying.” But that seemed rude in light of his suffering. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“Damn straight. Besides, you act like you don’t even know what Daniel sees in you.”
I blinked at him. “Well?”
“Ha! You don’t?”
I shook my head.
