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“Right, as it should be.” Dad ducked his head. “It’s just that I liked him. I didn’t like the situation, but I likedhim.”
“Yeah? Well, Ilovedhim.” My voice cracked. Clearing my throat, I went on, “It hasn’t been easy to make this choice, but I know what I need to do. I can’t be in a relationship with him anymore.”
“But this new guy is different?”
“I’ve known Daniel all summer, so he’s not new.”
“And you love him?”
I groaned. “We aren’t even dating, Dad. Get a grip. Look, I’m moving on. You need to move on, too.” I popped a baby carrot in my mouth, letting him absorb that as I chewed. “Daniel and I are just friends.”
“Do you want to be more than friends?”
I thought of Daniel yesterday with his vulnerability on display in the breakfast nook of his kitchen. His hands on my arm, his fingers trailing over my bruises. “I would,” I admitted. “Daniel’s great. He’s generous and loyal. He’s responsible, and an overall upstanding person. And he’s careful with people’s feelings, so that’s a plus.”
“Wow, Petey.” Dad leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s some smile.”
I shrugged, but my silly grin ruined my nonchalance. “Yeah, well, he’s great.”
“And when will your mother and I get to meet this young man?”
“I don’t know.” I picked up a few chips. “Like I said, we’renot dating. We’re just friends.” My heart skipped a beat when I remembered I’d get to see him tomorrow morning, and that stupid big smile crept over my face again. It dulled some when I remembered we’d be seeing Bobby at the hospital, but even worry couldn’t stop the excitement from welling up.
Dad snorted. “Isee. Well, expect a renewal of the condom inquisition from your mother if you start dating this guy.”
I rolled my eyes and took another bite of my sandwich.
“Watching the Detectives” began playing, and I bounced my head to the beat, hoping we could be done talking about my boyfriend situation.
“Speaking of your mother,” Dad said. “Did she give you the envelope this morning? She was up all night thinking about it.”
“Yeah.” I pulled the manila package out of my backpack. I’d been so busy thinking about school and Minty and Daniel and Adam that I hadn’t given it any thought all day. The paper felt old, fragile, and smooth in my hands. “I haven’t looked yet. What’s in it, do you know?”
“Pictures, his old journal, that sort of thing.”
“It’s been such a long time now… I know it was traumatic for her, but she still can’t even look at his photos?”
Dad’s brows bunched together. “Healing takes time, as much time as it takes. But AIDS certainly hasn’t helped at all.”
“How is AIDS connected to this?”
Dad picked through his remaining chips. “The dire warnings on the news, the skyrocketing deaths, the numbers of AIDS cases going up all the time… The suffering these men and women are faced with… The statistics are horrifying when someone you love is gay.”
“But George is dead. He can’t die twice.”
Dad took a bite of sandwich and meditated on his next words as he chewed and swallowed. “Right, but you look very much like him, Petey. And at a deep level, she believes her brother died because he was gay.”
“He died because of homophobic monsters.”
“Right, and what is AIDS if not another monster that attacks gay men?”
“That’s not all. HIV infects women, too, and IV drug users, and hemophiliacs, and—”
“Right, but can’t you see how AIDS brought all those old feelings back up for her? Especially when it came to you. She can’t remember George and his death without being gripped by fear for you. She’s afraid she’ll go through it all again, only worse this time, because no parent should outlive a child.”
I stayed silent for a moment, a simmering anger beginning again. Hot. Not cold like my rage at Adam. I couldn’t put words to it, aside from “selfish,” and “wrong,” and “this isn’t about her,” but I swallowed it all down with the nutty flavor of peanut butter.
She’d found his body. His brutalized body.
