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“Hey.”
“Hold on a second. Let her hang up.”
We both waited until we heard footsteps and then the clatter of the other phone being put on the base.
“Hey,” Daniel said, his voice going gentle. “How was your day?”
“Good. How was yours?”
“Could have been better, could have been worse.” A smile crept into his tone. “Starting it out seeing you next to me in bed was the best part of it by miles.”
“I liked that too.” I wanted to ask when we could do a sleepover again, but there were probably more important things on Daniel’s mind, like: “How’s your mom today?”
A low rumbling sigh came through. “She’s embarrassed and apologetic right now, but when isn’t she after an episode? When I got home, she and Nadine were having coffee and talking about the future.”
“That’s good, right?”
“I guess. Dreaming up scenarios where all the bad stuff she’s done gets washed away in a river of roses is one of Mom’s favorite pastimes right now. Nadine’s an optimist and good at making other people feel hopeful too.”
“You’re not feeling as optimistic, though.”
Daniel snorted. “No. After Nadine left we got a call from the rehab place. Her entry has been postponed. The individual they thought would be leaving today decided to stick around for another few weeks to make sure the ‘sobriety would stick.’” Another heavy sigh. “I suppose that’s a smart move for them, but it leaves us in a lurch. Worse, it leaves me here with her alone. At least when the kids were around, I had them to distract her and me from how much we irritate each other.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” The echo of my brief conversation with his mother played in my mind. “There’s not much worse than having to babysit your own mom. I can’t trust her for a minute. I have to hide the keys in a different place every night before bed so I know she won’t sneak out. It’s…” He groaned.
“And the kids?”
“They called from the road. Grandma and Grandpa stopped just north of Atlanta last night. The hotel had an indoor pool. Ken was excited. Paul was…Paul.”
“It has to be hard on him.”
“It’s hard on all of us, but maybe it’s hardest on him. Living here he’s helpless. I at least have some control. He’s just on a roller-coaster ride and he can’t get off. Kennedy’s different. She goes with the flow.”
I recalled her stricken face from the day before. “She feels it too.”
“Yeah, of course. Being with my grandparents will be good for them. They love us to death, and most importantly: theywantthem. That’s the thing, Peter. The worst confession I can ever make. Ready for it?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t want them.”
“I know. It’s okay. You love them. That’s what matters.”
“Being wanted matters a lot more, believe me. And the truth is I didn’t want them.” Daniel sounded ashamed, even though we’d talked about this before. This was a big hang-up for him. “And they knew it.”
“It’s all right. You’re their older brother. You’renottheir dad. Paul said so himself, remember?”
Daniel laughed. “Oh, yeah, he told me all the time.”
I stayed quiet a minute, not sure what to say. Daniel’s life was so much heavier than I’d known when I met him. But it was all worth it if I could stay in Daniel’s orbit. If we could have more tender, exciting nights like last night, if we could grieve and laugh and play like that.
Daniel broke the silence first. “Anyway, yeah. It’s been another day of trying not to hate my mother while being her little househusband. Sorting laundry. Doing dishes. I never minded doing all that at my apartment when it was all my stuff. It’s just—”
“She’s your mom. She should be doing the parent-stuff.”
“Exactly.”
