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“What?”
“Do it.”
Minty seemed as if he might argue for a moment, but then hedid as I commanded.
When the truck was fully stopped, the sound of the rain pounding on the roof forced me to talk louder than I wanted to. The topic was delicate, and shouting made me feel like I was angry, though I wasn’t. I was heartbroken and horribly sickened by the awful crap that Minty had faced in his life—it made my own difficulties with my father pale in comparison—but I wasn’t angry or full of disgust. All I knew right now was that I had to get that through to him. Make him understand that I loved him no matter what.
But the rain made that fucking hard. “I don’t hate you,” I yelled.
He scoffed, clearly disbelieving.
“Minty, I don’t! How could I hate you? I love you.”
“This isn’t a romantic moment!” he protested, eyes wet with tears. “You can’t say that right now.”
“Fuck that,” I shouted. “I’m telling you that I love you. Period. Whether you think it’s romantic or not. You need to understand how I feel. Nothing you’ve ever said, or done, or thought, or experienced is going to change that. Nothing.”
Minty whirled on me, his hands raised in fists. “I sucked my fucking father off!”
“He raped you! You’re a victim! You—”
“I wanted to! For the power trip! To make him feel—to see him—ugh!” He ripped his hands through his hair, barrettes coming loose. “You don’t understand! I’m a bad person. I deserve every bad thing that’s ever happened to me. Even HIV, and when the time comes? When it’s full-blown AIDS? I should suffer. I should go out in misery.”
His shoulders wracked with his sobs, but when I reached out, he pulled away from me. I dropped my hands to my lap and tried to reason with him.
“No.” I shook my head. “You don’t deserve anything bad. I’mnot going to accept that, and one day, if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll make sure you reject that idea too.”
“Stop! How can you stand to look at me? Knowing what I did?” Minty wiped at his face with his palms as the tears flowed from his eyes. “What about it don’t you understand? I made itgood, Luke! I did that thing with my tongue that youlove.I played with his balls. I gave him the best blow job he’deverhad. Onpurpose. Not because I was threatened, not because I couldn’t have taken him down—” He screamed in rage. “I know Aikido! I could have…I should have…Anyone else would have…”
“Baby, it doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter at all! He was a bad man, and he’d hurt you, and you wanted to hurt him back, to control him, to have power over him, to ruin his life, and you did. He’s in prison again.”
“Ididn’t.He ruined some other kid’s life first. Maybe I just made things worse for her. Maybe I made it so good that he wanted to try to find someone else to give him that feeling again.”
“Minty, listen to me—”
“I don’t want to listen to you.”
“Fuck that! You will!”
“I won’t.” He opened the truck’s door, and the rain doused him immediately. He stomped out into the headlights, the blinking of the hazards lighting him up in pulses as he strode into a dark, empty highway stretching out ahead.
I threw open the passenger door and chased him down. When I reached him, he crouched into a fighting stance. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to kick your ass.”
“Go for it,” I yelled, the rainwater filling my mouth. I spread my arms wide. “Hit me. Kick me. I’m not going to stop you.”
Minty jabbed a few times, trying to make me flinch, but then he dropped his fists and fell against me, sobs wracking him again.
The cold rain soaked us as I held him tight, rocking him back and forth, whispering in his ear, “You’re a good person. I love you. Nothing you tell me is going to make me stop loving you.”
“I hate myself.”
“I love you.”
“I hate myself so much.”
“Iloveyou.” It became a sick call and response. He said he hated himself, and I reassured him of my love.
