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And he’d punched me in the stomach when it was over.
It still hurt to take a deep breath. Christ. Kyle was a handful.
Such a teddy bear, that lover of mine.I cracked a smile.
Mom tilted her head, curiosity joining her natural optimism. “What’s got you grinning like the cat who got the cream?” she asked.
It would never occur to her to think anything bad was going on. She’d never even fully accepted the horror of our past, and now she lived with the belief that after all that, we were owed only a happy future. She always said everything would be roses and fairy dust from now on. “You’ve paid life’s dues in pain, baby boy. Now you’ll be paid in only joy.”
Life didn’t seem to agree with her. Not one little bit.
“Something good must be going on to get you smiling like that,” she prompted again.
I smiled brightly at her, counting on her not noticing that my joy was only skin deep. “I’m just thinking of your birthday in November. I’ve got a great surprise for you.”
Didn’t I just?
In fact, I’d gone to the clinic to get the test as her gift. She’dbeen asking me off and on for the last year, the specter of HIV being the only thing that made her doubt the happy future she saw for me, and I’d wanted to reassure her. But there was no way I could say, “Happy birthday! I got that test you wanted and, hooray, I’m dying.”
“Oh, a great surprise?” Mom’s blue eyes twinkled. She was so innocent in her own way. It was no wonder my father had so easily captured her in his nasty net. “A trip to see Biltmore House?”
I made note. Biltmore House. Easy enough. That was now the new plan. I’d been considering a gift certificate to my friend Jennifer’s hairdresser, but this was a better idea. “What kind of surprise would it be if I told you?”
Mom rolled her eyes and patted my hand. “Just don’t put yourself out too much money, sugarbaby. Your education is way more important than an overpriced trip to a giant house.”
“A trip to Biltmore House isn’t going to ruin me,” I assured her.
Though I didn’t have a job right now, and my cash fromCream My Face—an art performance piece I’d done twice for cash tips—was almost gone. I’d have to figure out a way to save enough money to get tickets for Mom and me to enter the house, plus pay for the cost of gas to Asheville and back.
But I’d find a way.
I always did.
Maybe Kyle would give me some money if I threatened to tell his friends about the things he did to me in his room. That’d either work out perfectly or end up with me dead. Some might call that scenario a win-win.
“Baby?”
“Yeah, Mama?”
“You seem so…” She moved her hands around softly, like birds fluttering. For a moment she looked fragile and haunted, the way she had after the rape, and the way I’d promised myself I’d never give her reason to look again. “…far away. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m just tired,” I reassured her, taking hold of her hands and squeezing them. I put on a perky smile. It felt foreign on my face, but I forced it to shine even brighter. “My classes are hard this semester. They get harder the closer you get to graduating, you know?”
“Right,” she agreed. Her head tilt told me she wasn’t completely convinced, but she wanted to be. “If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” I powered up my grin, and her shoulders relaxed.
“I love you so much, sugarbaby.” She brought my knuckles to her lips and kissed them. “You’re the whole world to me.”
“I love you too, Mama.”
Her brows lifted hopefully. “Will you spend the night? We could watch a movie. Your choice from all the VHS tapes we have.”
I blinked rapidly. The idea of sleeping in the bedroom here wasn’t one I could stomach. The last time I saw my dad, two years ago, we’d ended up in there…
It’d been…
And I’d…
