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“I miss it,” Kyle admitted, like he was tearing something out of his own chest to say the words. “Nothing else is good enough.”
I swallowed thickly. “You missit?Or you missme?”
He shook his head, and then, after a long hesitation, he nodded. A few breaths later, he shook it again. “I don’t know. Ilikedhow you let me beat you up while I fucked you.”
He came closer as he whispered, “I’ve never felt anything that…that fuckingprimalwith anyone else. No girl. No guy.”
“There were other guys?”
“In high school.” He waved them away. “They were holes to use. But with you… It was”—his lashes fluttered and he groaned, adjusting his cock—“so fuckinghot.”
Memories raced over me of how perfectly horrible he’d been to me and how hard I’d always come from his brutality. Lust rose dizzyingly, and my cock got hard. Iwantedto be taken and used that way again. Hurt without any love or devotion. Just flat-out used like a hole and a worthless one at that. Treated the way the whore who’d sucked his own father off deserved to be treated. I wanted desperately to drop my pants, offer my ass to him, beg him hurt me.
But I held back. I wasn’t the same idiot as I’d been few months ago. I had Luke. I had promises I’d made. I held Luke’s heart in my hands. I held my own.
I stared at Kyle, measuring his darkness against the sweetness of Luke’s love, against the pain in his basement, against the shame that covered me and ate at me and destroyed my ability to accept Luke’s love the way he needed me to, the way I never felt worthy of. Never.
“You hate that it’s the best sex you’ve ever had,” I whispered. “You hate me, don’t you?”
“I fucking despise you,” he bit out. “But I want you. I want to fuck every hole in your body. Every fucking day. Until you’re…” His nostrils flared. “Gone. Until I’ve fucked you gone.”
I shivered. Terror struck. It didn’t make me lose my hard-on, though. If anything, it made it stronger. Because I was fucked up. I was a fucked up, stunning, devastatinggodwho made Kyle need to destroy me before he could ever give up wanting me.
“You want it too,” he insisted.
I shrugged, struggling not to give in. Because even though the horrible tie that bound us together was stronger than ever now that we were face to face, there was another tie too. This one to my heart. This one was golden and strong. It pulsed with potential. It told me I had something to live for.
Even if that life was going to be very short.
Kyle sneered at me, coming closer again. “Iknowyou liked it too. You blew your load like a screaming whore every time.”
He pushed every single one of my “hurt me” buttons. He loathed me because he needed me, and I craved that. Ineededit.
I took a step back, but stayed quiet.
His voice dropped lower. “You loved what we did.”
I tried to keep my face from reacting.
“No one else will do the things to you that I will.” He spit on the ground, his breath coming in faster and heavier. “No one else would ever want to.”
I didn’t correct him. What Luke did to me in his basement was amazing, but it wasn’t what Kyle did. It could never be. Luke didn’twantit to be. Neither did I.
“You miss it too,” he insisted again. “Youmissme.”
I gritted my teeth. My darkness missed Kyle’s violence. It screamed to be fucked by Kyle again. It reminded me that when Kyle fucked me, I was powerful, stronger than a line of coke. Dizzying. Intense. I wanted it so badly…
It’d make everything bad go away while it lasted. The shame would be gone. The memories. The guilt. And if Kyle killed me? Everything bad would finally be gone for good.
Kyle must have seen the break in my resolve because his eyes grew brighter. Ducking his head closer to mine, letting his breath touch my cheek in an approximation of intimacy, he whispered, “Come with me. Tonight. I know a private house we can go to, somewhere you can be as loud as you want.”
I shuddered. The reckless darkness in me wanted to see where this place was, to find out what exactly Kyle wanted to do to me there.
Impatience vibrated in him. “You’re not going to say anything?” he hissed. “You’re usually a mouthy little cunt.”
I shrugged again, trying to play it cool, though my heart was hammering.
Kyle crept even closer. I didn’t step away. I could feel his breath on my skin, his hands gripping my shoulders, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “Don’t you want to know what I can do to you? Don’t you want to feel it?”
