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Outside, Betsy clutched her teddy bear tighter, and Mrs. Montgomery rose to push her in the swing, still talking. The power dynamic between them was clear—mother and daughter, legal guardian and ward. Betsy was bigger and stronger than her mother. She could take her down if she were to put up a physical fight. But she didn’t.
Just like I could take down Kyle or Luke. I had the skills. I was more than capable of injuring either of them. But I didn’t. I held myself in check, but with different results. With Kyle, I became a glorious god; with Luke, I became gloriously human.
It had never been clearer than it was now. I had to figure out a way to live without my “god fix.” Only I could solve that problem. There’d been a moment the night before when I realized the fine line I walked with Kyle, between giving him all the control while controlling every moment, was irreplicable. I couldn’t get the same needs met with Luke, because the pain he gave me didn’t givemethe power.
Ineeded the power.Ineeded the control.
A flash of inspiration hit me, making my knees weak. Instantly, I felt sweaty. Scared. Uncertain.
Could I…? Wouldhe…?
Hearing Luke’s tread on the stairs in the hallway jerked me from my thoughts, and I realized the pancakes were smoking. I quickly tossed them into the garbage and started a new batch just as Luke stepped into the room wearing sweats, a Galaga t-shirt, and bedhead.
I’d pulled on my now-dry clothes from last night when I woke up, ditching Luke’s oversized things in the laundry room. Suddenly, though, I wished I’d left the oversized things on—they might better disguise how anxious I was. Luke would see it in an instant. At least I had another bigger reason to be anxious—Kyle and the recording. Luke would likely assume any jumpiness was due to what was ahead for us today. He had no idea of the brand new thoughts swirling in my head.
“Hey,” Luke’s voice was gritty and sleepy. “What was that thunking sound a while back?”
“Um, Betsy is leaving.” I waved toward the door. “She came downstairs with her luggage packed and said she’s going to marry Rodney. She wants to go to his house now.”
Luke’s eyebrows wobbled up and down. “His parents’ house? It’s in South Carolina.”
I shrugged and gave him a sympathetic glance. “Seems like she’s pretty determined to go. Like I said, she had her things packed.”
Luke sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “Where is she now?”
“On the swing set, talking with your mom.”
“Good. Then I don’t have to go looking for her.”
“She’s not wheeling her luggage down the street to catch a bus to Rodney’s house yet,” I agreed, as he moved across the room toward me. “I wouldn’t blame her one bit if she did, though.”
Hell, I’d wheel my luggage down the street in a pretty pink bag if that meantIcould escape my current situation. Instead, I was going to be dragged back to Knoxville and to the campus policestation so I could implicate my ex-lover in planning my murder.
Ex-lover, ha, my mind hissed with an eye roll.Abuser. Almost-murderer.
I shivered, and Luke wrapped his arms around me. “You weren’t there when I woke up. I was afraid you’d left.”
“Not me,” I whispered, flipping the pancakes. Luke’s newly bearded cheek raked over my barely stubbled one. “Betsy’s the one leaving.”
“She isn’t.”
“You can’t keep her here against her will,” I pointed out. For some reason, I wanted Betsy to win this one. If she got free, maybe I could too. We might be in entirely different circumstances, but we both knew what it was like to have things about ourselves we couldn’t control be what determined so much of our lives.
Luke sighed. “We can, actually. I mean legally we can. But no one wants that, least of all me and Mom.”
He released me, leaning against the counter, watching as I made another row of fat, round pancakes.
“Is there a reason she can’t marry Rodney?”
“Aside from both of them having Down?”
“Is that arealreason?” I asked, glancing toward him. “They love each other. They want to be together.”
“Again, legally, theycanmarry.” Luke scratched at his morning beard. “We’d have to talk with Rodney’s parents, figure out the logistics, and see if it sounds like a reasonable future for them both. Regardless, she can’t just go there today, and—”
The door burst open. “Iwantto go,” Betsy said in a teary huff.
“Darling, we’ll arrange for you to see Rodney after Christmas. We can talk about all this then.” Mrs. Montgomery wheeled the pink luggage back into the house.
