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And again.
Death never took my hand and led me out of Kyle’s room. She just caressed my face sweetly, and then shoved me back into the brutal violence of my life.
When I came to consciousness a final time, I was alone, cum dripping from my asshole, and a huge wad of spit sliding down my face. I stood on wobbly legs and dressed myself with shaking hands.Kyle was nowhere to be seen. He’d fucked me, choked me out, and left me for dead.
Staring at myself in the mirror above his dresser, I took in the handprints on my neck, the streaks of dried tears on my cheeks, and wondered how long I’d been out and where Kyle had gone. I swallowed, and my throat ached, feeling somewhat swollen inside. Dangerously so.
You’re going to get yourself killed.
Barry’s words circled in my mind.
Yes, I was. Did I really want to die?
You think because I’ll enjoy fucking you that I’ll be soft for you? That I’ll make you feel loved and wanted?
Luke’s promise-filled voice whispered though my brain, offering me a way out.
You’re the whole world to me.
Mama’s soft voice, sweet and earnest.
I was all she had now, and Iwasgoing to die on her soon—that was inevitable—but no matter how much I deserved it, maybe it shouldn’t be like this. Not like this.
Shaking and exhausted, I limped out of Kyle’s dorm building and made my way across campus toward my own. The moon was full. My throat was tender. I felt so tired and so full of longing. I needed someone. Anyone.
No, not anyone.
I needed someone who could handle me.
I still had Luke’s contracts in my room, along with the results of my most recent STD tests from the Health Center.
After keying open the lock, I sat down at my dorm room desk and took out a pen, read over the papers again, and checked off everything—every single kink—without even considering if I really wanted to try any of them or not.
I stared out the window for a moment, watching the lights ofcars go by. Then I signed the forms.
“Okay,” I whispered to myself. “Okay then.”
Maybe Iwasn’tready to die yet.
***
Luke
Rain started fallingon the way home from my folks’ house, wetting the streets and making the early autumn night feel heavy.
Mom had managed to keep me later than I’d wanted. We’d left Dad in front of the TV set, and then she and I crashed on the floor of the sunroom, surrounded by the plants she loved to grow. Karen Carpenter’s voice had floated around us through the big wall-mounted speakers I’d put up several years ago.
We hadn’t talked much, just listened, but I knew how much Mom needed me now. She had no one else to depend on, except the folks in her church, but they weren’t going to lay on the floor, holding her hand, and listen to old vinyl records for hours on end.
Next to me in the car, the sound of the CorningWare rattling in the bag was an unsettling companion. I wished Karen Carpenter’s voice could blanket over me now, soothing away the anxiety that lingered in my bones after another bad encounter with my father on my way out the door.
But, alas, I didn’t even own a cassette deck in this car, and the radio receiver was busted. It wasn’t the only broken part of the old Buick I drove. At least I had new tires and felt reasonably assured that the engine had another twenty to forty thousand miles left in it.
Money was becoming a problem. I was probably going to have to start doing 1-900 number phone sex work again before long. I didn’t make as much at it as Cherise did—the demand was higher for women—but there were plenty of subby queer men with cushy office jobs who liked to be bossed around via telephone line at night and on the weekend. I was good at it. Got plenty of tips. It was justboring, and sometimes I hung up the phone feeling scuzzy.
Something that almost never happened with in-person D/s play.
My thoughts drifted back to that Minty kid. He couldn’t help me with my money problems, but he would be so pretty at my feet. I could just imagine how red his skin would blush with lust or from targeted strikes of my hand or flogger. He’d be so fucking sweet all beaten up and covered in my cum.
