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I licked my lips.
It’d been a while now since I’d felt the bite of his crop or any of the other rougher implements. I both wanted it and feared that if I submitted to him that way again, it might bring up all the bad memories. As it was, I was very happy being his fairy prince, his Your Majesty, and I was happy with him being my bodyguard, my servant, my very own man.
But…a touch of pain and submission would be so hot.
I licked my lips again, staring at the crop in little Luke’s hand.
“I thought you’d think it was funny that my parents unwittingly gave me the gift that got me started fantasizing about sexual sadism,” Luke said, pulling me even further behind the tree. “And, also, I wanted to do this.”
He kissed me. His lips were so soft, sweet, and loving. I wrapped my arms around his neck. As his new beard tickled at my chin, my knees went weak, and my heart fluttered. His kisses did that to me now. I felt swoony whenever I was in his arms these days. But would he still want me if I didn’t want him to hurt me anymore? Would I keep on making progress at loving myself it I let him anyway?
“Where’s your head?” Luke asked, breaking the kiss.
“On that picture.”
“The crop?”
I nodded. He took the ornament from me, hung it back on the tree, and then glanced around its big, flocked branches to ensure that we were still alone in the room. “Baby, talk to me.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“What are you feeling?”
I smiled and rolled my eyes at the same time. That was a question Pamela had suggested he ask me when I was all up in my head about something. “Nervous. A little horny, excited, and sad.” I took a harsh breath and tacked on, “Scared too.”
“That’s a lot. What are you scared of?”
I squirmed, the bristling branches of the tree raking over my purple sweater and leaving pick marks. I started brushing at them. “What if letting you hurt me makes me get sick again?” I tapped my temple. “In here, I mean. Lately, I’ve felt almost like my real self for the first time in so long. And you seem to like me this way.”
“Iloveyou this way.”
“What if I go back to how I was? What if the pain triggers something, and—”
“We don’t have to do any of those scenes we were doing. The ones that were about shame and your…” He trailed off, clearly not wanting to mention my father.
“I know.”
“And we don’t have to do scenes with pain at all right now. I’m happy playing the way we have been.”
“For how long, though? And what if I want pain too? I just think, maybe, I don’t want toneedit.”
He pulled me in, dragging me tight against his body, and he rocked me back and forth. “We don’t need to play that way for a long time, if ever again. If you want to try it in the future, we’ll go slow. We’ll talk it all out. We’ll use yellow and green to negotiate during a scene. It’s going to be okay.” He nuzzled my hair. “I love you for more than the way you kneel for me. I love you foryou.”
“Your Majesty,” I reminded him.
“I love you, Your Majesty, Minty, Mitchell, baby—all of you.”
I curled against him, putting my head on his strong chest and listening to his heartbeat. I couldn’t believe that only four months ago I’d been in McDonalds with Barry, arguing with him that I didn’t need to meet his stupid Dom friend. And now I was so in love with Luke that the idea of living without him was unthinkable.
Speaking of…
“Luke?”
“Mmm?”
“I’ve got something else I need to tell you.”
He pulled away enough to see my face, but otherwise held me tight to him. “What’s that?”
