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“No.” I cut him off, and my jaw clenched before I spoke my next words. “He’s nothing like me.”
“Isn’t he? He just doesn’t have a fancy contract for me to sign. All he had was my word that I’d show up, and we’d take what we needed from each other. I broke my word without even a goodbye fuck. I’m sure he’s hurt by that.”
“Hurt by that!” I wanted to shakehim,but shaking my head would have to suffice. “Baby, he didn’t care about you.”
“Do you?”
“Why else would I be here trying to take you on a date? Why else would I want to hunt that asshole down right now and put my boot on his neck? Make him promise to never talk to you again? I care too much.Fuck.”
Minty’s eyes danced. “You’re jealous.”
I rolled my eyes.
“No, you are! I see it in your face. That, and how much you want to kill him for fucking me.” He chuckled gleefully.
“Not for fucking you, for hurting you!”
“For hurting me in a way you don’t approve of, in a way that you never would.”
“Iwouldhurt you like that,” I gritted out. The need to squash that asshole Kyle like a bug overwhelmed me. “Say the word, and I’ll structure a scene where I hurt you just like he did.”
Minty licked his lips. “I like the sound of that, but there was no scene with Kyle. He just…hurt me. And you’d never do that. You’d always insist on—”
I didn’t understand what came over me, but I shoved him down on one of the beds. Surprise lit in his eyes, but he didn’t say no or struggle against me. I had to stop myself from tossing his skirt up, ripping off the pretty panties I knew I’d find there, and shoving myself into his ass without lube, without care, just to prove to him that I could hurt him the way he needed, the way that fucking asshole had.
But as I stared down into his gleaming eyes, I held myself back. This wasn’t what I’d wanted for tonight. I’d wanted to be sweet. Romantic. Go on a date and afterward indulge in some tender, vanilla sex.
Becausehell yeahI cared.
Too fucking much.
My breath came in and out, hot and hard, my dick pressing against my jeans, my heart thudding. Minty stared up at me, his own chest heaving and his eyes on mine warily, watching my every move. If I didn’t do this now, what would he think? He’d think I couldn’t give him what Kyle did, and he might go back to him.
I had no choice.
If I wanted him to believe I was enough for him—andwhenhad that become my goal? I was just supposed to be keeping him alive, Jesus Christ! But if I wanted him to believe he didn’t need Kyle, then I had to hurt him, wail on him, and fuck him brutally.
Gazing down at Minty, the makeup on his face, the lip gloss on his mouth, and his gorgeous, slim body tight and ready to be beaten, I couldn’t do it. I knew I needed to, but I didn’twantto. Not like this. He was right. I needed it to be a scene, something with a defined beginning and end, and clear limits. I didn’twantto be Kyle, even if that was what Minty needed from me.
I sat down by him on the bed, my shoulders shaking, my throat tight. I didn’t want to hurt him like that. Down in my basement it was different. There, pain was fun, hot, intense. Here, hitting him, making him cry, would make me feel like I was a monster, a jealous, abusive dick as bad as Kyle.
“I don’t want to hurt you tonight,” I whispered as Minty ran his hands up and down my back comfortingly, sensing my distress. “I want to take good care of you tonight. I want to—”
I stopped short of admitting that I wanted to be sweet with him, maybe even make love to him—something I’d only attempted a few times as a young, dumb kid who hadn’t lost his idealism yet. But for him,withhim, I wanted to try.
Kyle thought Minty was insane? No,Iwas crazy. Wanting this with him was madness. I barely recognized myself, and why? It wasn’t like Minty was special. He was like so many other kids, so many other subs.
Except he wasn’t.
He was empathetic to a fault, powerful and strong, and he gave himself up to me like a dream. Hewantedme to crack him open, and I would. One day soon, I’d find the right place to press or whip and he’d come apart like a bag of beans and spill his insides everywhere.
But that would be different. That wasn’t tonight. Tonight I wanted—
This.
I wantedthis.
Minty had shifted his head so that our lips were nearly touching, his breath against my mouth, and his hand twining up into my hair. My heart thundered madly, and I felt poised on the precipice of something beyond my understanding. “Kiss me,” he whispered. “We’re sober. We’re not playing. I want it…”
