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There’s something deep in my soul that keeps the guilt fresh and raw. I don’t know if it’s due to Nikolai and my feelings for him, or if it’s got something to do with Leonardo. Something doesn’t sit right with me about the situation; no matter what I do, it’s a betrayal to Andrea.
I’ve already felt guilty enough for the past seven months of wondering if I could’ve done anything better, but something tells me that I should’ve kept Leo away from Andrea. I don’t know why, but it just feels true to me.
Maybe if I let the ocean wash me away from the damn beach, then all my troubles, intrusive thoughts, and crippling guilt will finally stop. Or maybe not. I have a feeling I could still be tortured by it, even in the afterlife.
I can no longer feel the tips of my fingers or toes. Instead, they feel like they’re asleep, like a cramp. Closing my eyes, I hold my breath and float on my back, letting the ocean take me further, deeper, faster. The waves crash against me, making me roll, but I manage to make it back to my floating position. Water washes over my face, getting in my mouth as the waves take me under.
Maybe this will finally end my pain.
As I get caught up under the water, my lungs start to burn like hell. My chest can’t expand without me swallowing water or breathing it in, so I try to hold my breath for as long as possible. Little bubbles escape my mouth but I can’t see them, it’s too dark. I tense, attempting to reach the top of the water. Only I can’t. The current is too strong, the tide too high.
Water gets in my mouth and I try to scream, flailing my arms and kicking my legs fiercely to reach the top. But I can’t.I fucking can’t. I feel the cramps settling in, taking over my body. My chest hurts, and suddenly I breathe in the water.
Once I start, I can’t stop.
No.
I can’t go like this, not yet. I need to find out what happened to my brother. Why he died, how he died. I need to hear Nik out. I need to know. I have to.
Except as my vision brightens with white spots, I don’t think I will get to.
It’s finally my fiftieth kill.
This one tastes a little sweeter since it’s Leonardo’s aunt, and I love inflicting pain upon him. The best part? No cleanup. It’s meant to be a suicide, which will hit people even harder because their Lorena couldneverdo such a thing.
Let me tell you a little something about humans. We all have the capability to be fucked up people, to hurt, maim, kill. Even ourselves. The rotten parts of us fester until there’s nowhere to turn, and then we just want to make it all stop.
I’ve already drugged her, which wasn’t hard to do considering she already takes opioids. Instead of the usual dose she abuses, I doubled it. Now she’s all doped up and at my mercy. Thankfully I’m wearing a mask, gloves, and other clothing that will make sure my DNA doesn’t end up all over her.
Filling up the tub, I warm it up so as not to startle her and wake her from the deep slumber she’s in. I’m not a sadist; I don’t want her to be scared and suffer. I should, possibly, but at the end of the day I’m just happy Leonardo Colombo will suffer yet another loss.
Just the same way I have.
I put Lorena in the warm water that is still running and grab a wrist, then slice it vertically with her razor. I repeat the motion on the other wrist and step back. Blood immediately begins to flood the water until it turns bright red, and she slides down the tub a little bit until the water reaches her neck. I take a picture of the scene, leave the water running, and exit the bathroom, closing the door on my way out. With that, I wait thirty minutes until the water has flooded out of the tub and the bathroom before taking my leave.
As always, I dispose of my gloves and mask when I get in the car, putting them in a ziplock bag, and peel out. I don’t want to be associated with any of these people in any way, so this time, I parked behind their house and not in front.
Nikolai
I will stop by your office in the morning.
Dean
See you then.
Although I know I should be going to the house so I can be home in time for classes in five hours, I head to my beach condo instead. It’s a tiny little place decorated exactly how I want it to be and without any of the obnoxious fuckers that live with me at the house. None of my friends know about this place; it’s my little sanctuary.
I park at my usual spot and go into the condo, but then something feels weird and I make my way to the beach. Taking off my shoes, I leave them in the sand and make my way closer to the water, sitting down a few feet away from the shore. It’s actually a bit chilly out for this part of Florida, being in the high fifties.
Staring out into the distance, I narrow my eyes at a moving form in the water. Is it a shark? What the hell? No, because when I get up and closer, it’s being moved along by the waves; it’s not a living animal moving around. It’s a dead body.
I run into the water and yank the person by the arm, noticing it’s a woman and dragging her to the shallow end. She’s heavy as dead weight, and her hair is all over her face. Carrying her bridal style to the sand and away from the water, I put her down on her back.
The twinkle of nipple piercings and a set of familiar tits stares back at me, and I close my eyes and whimper.
No.
Not her.
