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“Thank you for taking me tonight,” I said softly before quietly opening the door and stepping inside.
Leaving my past behind.
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
Penny
Blake didn’t tryto kiss me again.
In our last few days at Camp Chance, there were no more heated looks over the fire or stolen glances across the lake.
Blake went out of his way to avoid me.
I still watched him; I refused to look away, but he never returned my gaze.
He had pulled away, and although I wanted to believe that it was because he felt guilty about the kiss, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it had nothing to do with that and everything to do with my revelation about Derek.
After telling him the truth, I thought I would finally find closure. But once again, I was a prisoner to my past.
I moved through the days spent out at the lake or in the woods with the girls, but I had checked out. Stuck in the memories I would rather forget.
“And what do you hope to gain from working at Camp Chance, Penny?”
My eyes focused on the bookcase behind Dr. Merth. “To prove to myself that this thing, my anxiety, doesn’t control me, I guess.” I gave him a half-hearted shrug.
“Does this have anything to do with Cal?”
“Cal?” I met Dr. Merth’s questioning gaze with my own. “Why would it be about Cal? We’re over, it’s done.”
The smartly dressed man regarded me. He looked more like a young, hip college professor than a stuffy psychologist. “Exactly, Penny. You were making progress with Cal. You dated for what, nine months? You trusted him enough to be intimate with him.”
I winced, and my eyelids fluttered shut as I remembered. Remembered how I’d cried the first time Cal had tried to touch me. How scared I’d been to let him see my body, to kiss me, to feel my curves.
Dr. Merth was right, I had let him touch me, and we’d been intimate, but it wasn’t easy.
“Penny,” Dr. Merth’s voice pulled me back into the room. “I’m not here to judge. I’m here to help you explore your feelings and to make sense of what is happening.” He smiled, and I relaxed into the leather chair a little. “I think that maybe, you’re looking for something or someone to fix you. But it doesn’t work like that. You have to deal with your experiences first. Make peace with what happened and try to find a way to make sense of it. To move forward.
“What you feel, how you respond to touch, your fears… they are completely normal for someone in your situation. You experienced a great loss, and then someone you should have been able to trust took advantage of you. There is no quick fix for that, Penny. Baby steps, remember.”
Baby steps.
I nodded, the lump in my throat preventing me from garnering a reply.
“Now, I’ll ask again,” he prompted. “What are you hoping to gain from working at Camp Chance?”
I could hear his voice as clear as day.
I came to Camp Chance to prove something to myself—tofixmyself—only I got more than I bargained for, and now, I was more lost than ever.
Marissa tried to console me. At first, she said I should try to talk to Blake to give him a chance to explain his sudden coldness. But I didn’t need to see that look in his eyes again. The helpless void I’d seen there as he watched me walk into the cabin that night.
Maybe this is just how it’s supposed to be.
In the end, our second chance was just a naïve fantasy.
An illusion.
“All packed?” Marissa barreled into our cabin in her usual fashion. I nodded feeling a heavy weight settle in my chest.
