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“It’s not about them, Marissa. It’s about not putting myself through that again.” I placed my mug on the table. “When I saw him sit down beside her, I thought there must be some kind of mistake.”
Even though I’d seen Blake kiss her, even though I’d seen the huge rock on her finger, I didn’t want to believe it.
Couldn’t believe it.
“But then I heard his uncle announce their engagement, and I almost puked right there in the middle of the gala dinner.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks and slipped off my chin onto my sweater.
Marissa cursed under her breath and set down her mug, reaching out for my hand. “Penny, I can’t imag—”
“Don’t. I spent the last seven years of my life closed off, Marissa. Do you know what it’s like to live each day feeling numb? Empty? Blake was a part of that. Not all of it, sure,” I gave her a half-hearted shrug. “But some.
“Seeing him again was like a dream. All my worst nightmares and fairy tales rolled into one. I tried to deal with that, in my own way, but then he started proclaiming he never forgot. That he still feels things for me. What am I supposed to do with that?”
My chest hurt.
It hurt so damn much.
I didn’t know if it was from the emotional toll of explaining things to Marissa or the memories that refused to stay in the past or the fact that I’d fallen for it.
Hook, line, and sinker.
Inhaling a deep, calming breath, I let the stale air fill my lungs. “I tried so hard to keep my past in the past, but he refused to stay there. Blake wormed his way back into my heart, and I let him. He told me he had someone, Marissa.” A weary sigh rolled through me.
He’d been vague and not entirely honest with me, but he’d still told me enough for me to fill in some of the blanks.
“And I still let him in. What does that say about me? About the kind of person I am?”
Marissa released my hand only to wrap me in her arms. I sank into her comfort, overcome by emotion. When was the last time I’d let someone hold me like this?
Blake.
Blake was the last person.
It always came back to him.
“Nothing is wrong with you. You did what anyone in your shoes would have done. You were confused and blindsided and you two have unfinished business.” She hesitated, and I braced myself for whatever piece of wisdom she was about to impart. “You should call him,” she said.
I tore myself out of her arms and stared at her as if she’d just grown a second head. “What?”
“Blake. You should call him.”
“Did you just hear anything I just said? I can’t call him. He’s engaged, Marissa,engaged,” I shook my head vehemently. “There was a time when I thought we were the same… but we’re not.
“Blake lives in a world I’ll never fit in. He’s freaking high society or something.” I started to sound hysterical.
“Penny, just hear me out, please.”
I backed away from her, refusing to listen.
I couldn’t call him.
I wouldn’t.
Blake had made his position crystal clear. Whatever had happened over the summer was clearly him ‘working things out,’ reconnecting with his childhood friend for old time’s sake.
God, I was such an idiot.
