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He felt it, too, the consequences of our actions.
We weren’t children now; we couldn’t just lay in No Man’s Land and pretend as if everything was fine.
We were adults, and we had responsibilities.
He had a fiancée.
“Blake…” I started. The bubble had burst, and I needed to know. “What about Bri—”
“No, Penny, not now.” A weary sigh rolled through him. “Not yet. I need this. We need this.”
“But—”
He rolled me in his arms until we were lying side by side, and our eyes connected. “I love you, Penny. I love you so much I can’t see straight. For now, that’s enough, isn’t it?
“I know things are fucked up, but right now, I’m lying here beside you as yours. I have waited seven years for this moment. Please, don’t ruin it.”
With a small nod, I closed my eyes. Blake pulled me to him tighter, tucking my head under his chin.
I would give him this, but we had to face our actions sooner or later.
* * *
I awoke startled.
The comforter was pulled up around me, but something was wrong. My hand reached out for Blake only to be met with a cold, empty space.
He was no longer in bed, and I sat up, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to adjust to the darkness cloaking the room.
“We should talk,” a strained voice said from the corner of my small room.
I narrowed my eyes and made out Blake’s profile sitting on the chair next to the dresser.
“What time is it? Did we fall asleep?”
“It’s after two.”
“What’s wrong.” I rolled over and hit the lamp on the bedside table. “Are you okay?”
It was a stupid question; from the anguish on Blake’s face, he was anything but okay.
He rose from the chair and came to sit on the edge of the bed, and I realized he was fully clothed. He reached for my hand, and I interlaced my fingers with his, a sinking feeling spreading through me.
“Do you regret it?”
“What?” I said, panic rising in my throat. “How could you even ask me that?”
“Fuck, I don’t know, Penny.” He let out a long breath. “I felt you freaking out before we fell asleep, and it was your first time, and I’m…”
“Engaged.” I finished his sentence, hating how insecure the word—the truth—made me feel. “I’m confused, and my emotions are all over the place, but Blake, please know that tonight was everything to me. I could never regret it. Ever.”
Relief washed over him, and he leaned over to brush his knuckles down my cheek. “I meant it, you know. Every word. I love you, Penny. I always have.”
He uncurled his fist, and I pressed my cheek into his open palm needing to be closer to him.
I wasn’t ready to say the words. Not after everything. Not with everything still standing in our way of a chance to be together. But hopefully, he knew.
“I have to go,” he said, regret shining in his eyes. “It’s Thanksgiving, and I can’t just disappear, but I’ll find a way to get away tonight. I’ll come here?”
