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“Okay.”
“Until you know everything, I can’t make love to you. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”
“I understand.” She lowered her head.
“I don’t think you do, babe.” I kissed her forehead, then tilted her face to mine. “I literally can’t tell you. It’s a matter of national security, but I’m trying to work around it.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Yeah. Good luck with that.”
Lifting her off my lap, we stood, the heaviness of our conversation drowning the fire from earlier. Her movements were languid as she dressed, then walked me to the door. After a brief, but certainly not chaste, kiss, I strolled to my car and returned to my own, very lonely apartment.
*****
BY NOON THEnext day, I was swimming in emotional turmoil. The group of state troopers who’d come in for a session on the gun range had reminded me of the SEAL team I’d left behind to help start Quattro. We’d been close, once upon a time. I hadn’t thought about them in a few years, but after seeing the troopers horse around, ribbing each other, I began to wonder what happened to them after I was discharged. Were any of them still in the service? Did they have nightmares too?
“What’s got you lost in thought, Fratello?” Alec appeared at my side.
“Do you keep in touch with any of the guys from your unit?”
Alec had been an Army Ranger. Like myself and Gabriel, he’d served time in the sandbox, however his scars ran much deeper. He’d been captured and held by enemy forces for three days, during which time no one knew if he was dead or alive. It had been over five years since we’d received that dreadful call and regardless of how hard we tried, he refused to talk about it to anyone. Not even the shrink the Army forced on him.
“Some of them, yes,” he answered. “You?”
“Nah. Too many bad memories.”
“Sounds more like misplaced guilt than memories, Luc.”
Dammit.
Knocking me on the shoulder with his fist, he left me standing in the middle of our warehouse while he ambled to the room across the way for our meeting. It took a few minutes to come to terms with the blow he’d dealt because he was right about one thing. I did feel guilty. Too many young men lost their innocence under my command. I could still see the looks of horror on their faces when I closed my eyes at night. None of us truly knew what to expect when we signed on the dotted line, pledging our lives and loyalty to defend our great nation. Not that it would have changed my mind––any of our minds––because the call to protect and serve was too great. However, when you witness the worst humanity has to offer, it alters you. That’s something I wish I would’ve known ahead of time and why my guilt was burrowed so deep. We all should’ve been better prepared.
Done with my self-wallowing, I joined my brothers in the conference room. As soon as I walked in, the chatter stopped, making my senses tingle with anticipation. Whatever the meeting was about, it had to do with me and by the vibe I felt in the room…it wasn’t good.
“Have a seat, Luciano.”
“Fuck. Why so formal, Gabriel?” I mocked.
“Don’t be a dick,” Alec grumbled.
“No, that’s your job right, Fratello?”
These fuckers were pissing me off. I did not like to be ambushed and they damn well knew it, yet here we were. Three on one. My odds were not looking good at the moment, so I kicked a chair out from under the table and sat with my arms folded over my chest.
“I think you should cancel your trip to New York,” Rico explained. “I’m in the minority though.”
I jerked back, floored by the direction of the conversation.
“Why?” I wondered out loud. “What changed?”
It was Gabe’s turn to talk. “I got a call from Duncan yesterday. The feds are no longer interested in planting bugs in the senator’s home. Seems they’re getting impatient and they want hard evidence.”
“Okay. So what?”
“They want you to search his home office to see if you can get your hands on his personal computer,” Rico scoffed.
“And?”
“The best time for you to accomplish this task is during the actual rally, when the senator and all his people will be otherwise occupied,” Alec added. “Thankfully, they’ve rented out the first floor of his apartment building for this shindig, so it’s not like you’d have to travel between locations.”
