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He gasps and takes a step back, a pained expression on his face.
„Is that really what you think of me?” he asks. „That I would use you in such a way?”
I hug myself, rubbing my upper arms, as I try to find the right words. Is that what I really think just happened here? I’m not sure, but I know it definitely feels that way. I don’t want to think of him in this way, but right now, I can’t help it.
„Claire?” he implores.
I retreat when he takes a step in my direction.
„Claire, please. Do you really think I wasn’t planning to make up for this? This was a punishment, a part of our play. Do you really not understand how this works?”
I glare at him. „Are you calling me stupid?”
He sighs and rolls his eyes. „I never called you stupid, Claire. Please, stop projecting your own insecurities onto me. I thought you’d understand—”
„Well, obviously, I’m too stupid to understand!” I yell at him. „I’m too stupid to understand your passion for numbers and why it means you cannot help out your sister, and apparently, I’m too stupid to understand our relationship as well.”
I straighten my skirt and grab my bag from the floor before my eyes linger on the torn thong right next to it.
„I want that replaced,” I hiss at him before I turn away and march to the door.
„Claire, please, let’s talk about this.”
He comes after me, but I shake him off like a pesky fly when he tries to touch my upper arm.
„Let me go—or I’ll scream,” I warn him.
His eyes widen, and he hesitates a moment, before he retreats, and lets me unlock and open the door before I disappear without another word.
Chapter 36
Aston
It feels like I have been running on autopilot ever since Claire stormed out of my office.
I didn't know what to do. I felt stupid beyond belief because my actions were not only reckless, but obviously hurtful to her. I never should have done what I did. I never should have fucked her in my office and take the risk of being seen—or heard—by anyone.
It's something I never even would have considered just a couple of weeks ago, but I wasn't thinking straight. I thought it was safe, because I trusted her—and myself.
And that trust scares the hell out of me now, because I miss her more than I should. I'm afraid of losing her because of this, and as much as my rational mind tries to convince me that it's only because I'm scared she might tell anyone about us, I know that's not true.
I trust her because my feelings for her are stronger than I was willing to admit. She is more than a plaything to me, and that realization is what really scares me.
And now, it might be too late. I messed up everything.
I haven't heard from her since that day, but she did read the texts I sent her. I considered running after her, when she left, but figured it would be too dangerous on campus. We can’t exhibit our relationship drama for everyone to see.
I stopped texting her when she refused to reply, but now I'm questioning that decision.
Will she think that I don't care about her? Or should I give her time?
How can I not know these things at the age of 31?
Because you've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a couple of months,I remind myself.
It's pathetic, really. I could ask my college friends, who all have more experience in this area, despite me being the one who gave relationship advice to all of them at some point.
Do the scary thing, is what I used to tell them when they were about to chicken out because things got a little too real.
