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Did he want to smell like me? I shake my head to dismiss the thought.
Instead, I rake my eyes over his bare chest, following the defined V that slips into his joggers, and down to his cock that bulges against the material. My mouth waters as I consider how much I’d like to feel him. The real him.
Heat radiates off him, and when he clears his throat, I go back to chopping the vegetables as if I wasn’t just eye-fucking the hell out of him.
“Did you finger-fuck her?” I ask while slicing into the pepper, trying to act nonchalant, but my tone comes off snappy.
“Yes,” he replies with ease.
The sound of him chomping the carrot fills the room and rankles my nerves as I imagine what went down with Tia, Lucas, and more important, Jace too.
“What about Jace? What did he do?” I pay him no attention as I ask my question, but already I’m regretting it, knowing what his answer will be.
“He finger-fucked her too.”
I grind my teeth before spitting “At the same time?” out.
Lucas sighs deeply as if I’m a nuisance. “Yes. At the same time. What does it matter?”
“It matters,” I grit out, pissed I even have to explain my feelings to him. Sure, I’m jealous and a little unhinged over the fact that Jace, who isn’t in the least bit interested in Lucas, got to share something with him.
“You’re jealous.” It’s a statement that has me gritting my teeth at how well he knows me. I ignore Lucas’s glowering and continue chopping the vegetables into fucking smithereens. “You’ve nothing to be jealous of.”
My jaw clamps shut, determined not to tell him how I feel. How I hate the thought of him enjoying sexual experiences with another man without me, even if it is Jace.
I know it shouldn’t bother me but knowing it shouldn’t, makes me feel so much worse. Knowing he’s touching Jace without me involved and experiencing something I might not get to, has me wanting to destroy everything in my vicinity.
“You’re being ridiculous.” He eventually huffs, then pushes off the counter and storms away, taking a tiny bit of my heart with him.
Maybe I am being ridiculous, maybe it is too much to expect to keep that part of him to myself, but the overwhelmingjealousy at him having interactions with Jace without me makes me feel murderous.
“Fuck!” I slam the knife down, my chest heaving.
“Is everything okay?” Her soft voice floats through the room, caressing my trembling body, but the violence welling inside me threatens to spill, and I don’t want to lash out at Tia, not like I have in the past. So, with that in mind, I spin on my heel and face her.
Her face falls in disappointment, and I can’t help the regret burning beneath my skin that I put that look there. She steps forward, no doubt to comfort me, but I lower my head and shake it in rejection.
“I’m going to the gym.”
Without giving Tia another glance, I grab my car keys off the counter and head out the door, knowing how fucked up this whole thing is. I need to let off some steam, to expel the loss of control I’m feeling regarding Lucas.
I walk out the door, wishing more than anything he could fight his demons.
For us.
For all of us.
Because Lucas Williams wants me. I know he does; he just needs to admit it.
Chapter
Nine
TIA
After dinner, Jace does the girls’ evening routine and gets them to sleep while I take a shower. When I left the bathroom, Lucas was already in bed, and I could tell by his tense body he was riled up, and I hated it. It was clear he and Cole had a spat.
After I climb in bed beside him, I rest my head on his chest while he strokes my hair.
