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But the thought that Alec may have a boyfriend or someone serious in his life stops me. Fuck, he could have a boyfriend, and I sucked his dick. And I’ve obsessed about doing it over and over. I’m a bad person. A monster.
But then again, how could I not obsess? He might have a boyfriend, but he colored with Jordan and helped me whenCharlie pooped his pants. He’s no longer just a cock I want to suck. He’s a person who seems kind. It’s making things confusing. I’m so damn confused.
I don’t fucking like it.
“Hi, Jude,” he says, coming to a stop near me. He’s wearing a tight t-shirt and ripped jeans, looking far too rugged for my tastes.
Or maybe it’s exactly my taste and that’s the problem.
“Hi,” I say, putting the zucchini down and trying to look composed. “Where’s Laurent?”
I try to say his name with a modicum of decorum, but it comes out like a long hiss. I’m part-snake now.
“I don’t know,” he says, shifting his shopping basket and shoving his free hand in his pocket, looking far too casual for my liking.
“You don’t know where your boyfriend is?” I ask, and Alec shrugs.
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
My eyebrows meet as I stare at him, feeling hope start to sprout inside of me. Hope for what, I have no idea. Because I’m not going to suck his dick again. I don’t even want to. And even if I did, it’s not like I want to be in a relationship with him. That would be gay. And I’m not gay.
I eye the zucchini again and then force my gaze back to him.
“Oh, well, I guess that makes sense then,” I reply, and his lips twitch.
“Yeah. He’s a little too needy.”
I bob my head and then swallow roughly, already feeling my mouth salivating for another taste of his dick.
“Yeah, I hate needy,” I reply, even though I’m exactly that. A total hypocrite. I’m so needy for him already, and I’ve only had one taste. It’s not enough.
Will it ever be?
“Same,” he murmurs.
I run a hand through my hair and then adjust my basket. I need to get the fuck out of here before I proposition him again. And I’m not doing that. This has already gone too far.
“Alright, well?—”
Just as I say it, he says my name. We stare at each other, and I feel my cheeks flush crimson.
“Yeah?” I squeak.
He pauses and then cocks his head slightly, his eyes assessing me. I fidget under his stare. “Can I come over later?”
“Yes,” I wheeze without hesitation, feeling my heart rate triple, and his lips twitch.
“Alright.”
And with that, he’s gone. He doesn’t even tell me what time he’s coming over. So when I get home, I just wait on the edge of the couch in the living room, like a tool, until I finally hear someone stomping up the front steps.
I pop up like a jack-in-the-box and rush to the door, pulling it open with a flourish…only to see Ollie on the other side.
“Hey, Jude. You excited to see me?” he asks with a grin and pecks me on the cheek.
I roll my eyes and bat him away. Fuck. I don’t want to seehim. I want to see Alec. Where the fuck is he? Why the hell is he making me wait like this?
“I wasn’t waiting for you,” I grumble.
