AllFreeNovel
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“Dude, now you have to hold him. He won’t let you put him back,” I say as I watch Julia crack an egg without my assistance, resulting in half the shell ending up in the dough. I reach in and start to pick out the shells as Ollie dances around the room with Charlie, not a care in the world.
“That’s fine with me, huh, little dude. I love kids. I want ten of you. Ten. Maybe fifteen.”
I snort. “Yeah, good luck with that. You have to be rich to afford that.”
“Oh, I’m marrying a rich man, I promise you that.”
I shake my head and turn back to Julia and Jordan who are slyly eating chocolate chips when they think I’m not looking. As long as they don’t eat the dough, we’ll be fine. If anything ever happened to them, my sister would kill me.
Over the next hour, we finish up the cookies and the five of us make our way to the park with warm treats packed in my backpack. Ollie is pushing the stroller with Charlie and Julia in it while Jordan hangs off my back. The spring air is a little warm today and thank fuck for that. I can’t wait for it to transition into summer. I love spending hours in the pool or the lake, or just lounging around half-naked.
Can’t do that in the winter. Might die.
“Uncle Jude?” Jordan asks, and I jostle him so he sits a little higher on my back. He’s almost too big to carry at this point.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Would you rather live in prison or on the streets?”
My brow furrows at that random question, and I huff a laugh. “Um, probably on the streets.”
His little hands clutch onto my neck, nearly choking me, so I rearrange them a bit so I can breathe.
“Me too,” he replies. “I like trees. I don’t think you’d see those in prison. Or butterflies.”
“Yeah, don’t think so, little dude.”
“Hm, well would you rather kiss a man or a woman?” he asks once more and then giggles.
My face heats and I clear my throat. “I’d rather kiss you, little dude. You have really squishy cheeks,” I reply as he squirms on my back.
“Come on, Uncle Jude. Answer the question,” he demands with a silly laugh, and I sigh.
“A man, probably.”
“Yeah. Me too,” Jordan says and then adds, “Girls are gross.”
I let out a huff of laughter as we turn the corner and the park comes into view. I can’t believe I said that to him, but I’m feeling a little fragile right now. I don’t think I can lie to myself anymore. And I most definitely can’t lie to Jordan.
“Girlsaregross,” I say and he squirms again. “You want to get down, bud?”
“Not till we get to the jungle gym, then I’ll get off.”
“I see what I am to you,” I say with a laugh as I make my way to the playground, and as soon as we arrive, he slides off my back, rushing toward the monkey bars. Julia is right behind him, nearly tripping over her feet from moving so fast.
“Kids are so weirdly simple,” Ollie says as he rocks the stroller back and forth, trying to keep Charlie happy. He’s sucking on a chew toy and cooing.
“They are,” I say.
“You want any one day?” he asks.
“Maybe, if I find the right person. The right…guy.”
He peers over at me, his eyes twinkling. “You will. I know you will.”
I feel my eyes sting and turn my gaze away so he doesn’t see me cry. All I want to do is bawl like a baby. I’ve felt flayedopen and raw since I left Alec’s place, the plug still up my ass, my entire body still reeling from the pleasure he elicited and the truths he pulled out of me.
I called a ride share and sat uncomfortably on my sore ass the entire way home. When I pulled the plug out in the shower, washing the scent of him away, I let the tears fall for the first time since saying that word. Those three letters combined which make me so fucking nervous.
