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KIERAN
“Hold on, sweetheart. Fuck, hold on. You’re doing so well for our baby boys.”
I thrashed around in my nest, eyes scrunched shut as I tried to bury another wave of pain as it ripped through my stomach. Haunting memories of Elias and Leo’s birth four months ago shot back at me, the insurmountable fear that one or three of us wouldn’t make it through the ordeal. Isaias had let me wrangle his hand in a death-defying grip as I screamed through it, tears streaming down my cheeks as the nurse coaxed me to push one more time.
I felt weak, drained from pushing for the last several hours. Isaias pressed a kiss to my cheek as he whispered how proud he was of me while Joel dabbed my forehead with a wet cloth from the other side.
“I can’t push anymore, Alpha. I can’t.” Tired and numb were two of the many emotions I was feeling. Failure was at the forefront, the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to give my pack the one thing they had been so excited about for the past nine months.
We hadn’t heard the cries of either of our sons yet and between the concerned faces of the nurses and the hopeful expressions of my mates, I wasn’t sure there was any point in continuing to push. My vision tunneled as the strength seeped from my limbs, my hold on Isaias’ hand slipping.
“His heart rate is dropping!”
Firm lips pressed to mine as Isaias’ thick scent swarmed around me, giving me just enough of a boost to stay awake. A myriad of other scents and people filled the room, beeping machines making my head hurt as I writhed in pain. I turned to the other side, Joel staring at me with tears in his eyes as he reached forward to cuddle my head against his chest.
“You’ll be okay, baby. You’re so fucking strong.”
“Ren,” I whispered, needing all three of them. The little Alpha wasn’t far away, saddling up next to Isaias moments later.
My breath caught in my throat as I tried to stay awake for them, for my sons, for the life that we wanted to live. But… I just couldn’t.
There had been many touch-and-go moments as my heart failed me during the eight-hour delivery. The doctor explained that my abnormal biological makeup made it hard to naturally deliver our sons. I ended up in surgery, delivering them via C-section, and now I sported a large scar across my abdomen, constantly reminding me of the night I nearly lost my life. It still haunted me, the thought that I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the pack who had found me and loved me as I was.
The lingering pain and feelings of inadequacy—even four months after our sons’ birth—were supposedly routine as I acclimated to all of my body’s changes but I hated feeling weak. To be honest, I had never hated being an Omega more than I did these past four months. Out there, before Isaias, Joel, and Ren, being weak would have gotten me killed or captured by Michael to use as he pleased. Now, I sought out my mates, constantly checking to see that there was always someone close, that my sons were comfortable, thatIwas safe.
It was one of many reasons that Isaias decided that a change of scenery was the best option, all of us settling in a cabin similar to the one I had in Grimsby, Vermont. The sleepy town of Emsboro, Ohio had proved a perfect fit, what with the overly nice neighbors and quiet scenery. Being cased in by a host of trees alongside the back of the house made it easier to relax and close to the ranger academy meant that my mates wouldn’t have to leave for longer periods during their regular shifts.
Sitting up, my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Dark pillows and cushions covered most of the available floor space, sitting atop an Alaskan mattress, this room specifically outfitted as an Omega’s nest with a low ceiling and dim lighting. The realtor had tried to sell Isaias a mountain load of bedding and was pleasantly surprised when Isaias mentioned that his Omega preferred darker colors. A mess of blankets crowded around me, no doubt pulled when I had been thrashing around.
The nest was empty which wasn’t odd in the middle of the afternoon, what with Ren studying for his practical and Joel working most mornings at the academy. He’d be back any minute. Isaias had left to clean up the mess that had brought us together just over a year ago and as much as I didn’t want him to leave, I knew that it was either that or jail time for me. With our sons to care for, I selfishly asked Isaias for only one thing.
An official mating bond when he returned.
Isaias readily agreed, almost neglecting the request for his presence in Grimsby to take me apart in the kitchen. Now, though, two days without him and my heart hurt. I felt like my chaotic emotions were slowly tearing us apart but every time I thought I was okay, just a sliver of overprotectiveness would overtake my mind. With Michael released around the same time as my boys were born, I couldn’t help it.
I blew out a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and failing as I crawled over to the crib built at the edge of my nest. It was a temporary space for the four-month-old twins but the thought of having them down the hall in the nursery was terrifying. It only took one moment to steal the most precious pieces of my heart. I wouldn’t recover.
My beautiful boys were sleeping peacefully as I towered over them. They were curled around each other, a mess of thick tufts of brown hair and chubby cheeks. Befitting of my abnormal physique, both of our boys had presented as Omegas days after they were born instead of during puberty. A quick blood test at the hospital on the day of their birth told me that Elias and Leo were going to be just as special as I had been as they grew older. How that would manifest was anyone’s best guess.
A mild indescribable sweet scent hung around them, which if focused on let everyone know their designation. It just made me realize how much work we had cut out for us once they were old enough for school. Elias wiggled next to his brother,his eyes opening and revealing the same forest-green eyes that I had. Leo had been blessed with Joel’s dark amber color that lightened when he giggled and cooed. Elias reached up one of those chubby hands as I stuck my finger in the crib, my heart burning for the life I had brought into this world.
Needing them closer, I slipped a hand beneath both of them and cradled them against my chest as I moved back to the middle of the nest. Setting them down, I curled an arm around them, watching meticulously for anything wrong before I let myself relax. Ren called it my ‘mother hen’ position but I just didn’t want anything to happen to them.
“Kieran, babe,” Joel's voice entered the nest in a soft purr.
A groan fell from my lips as I twisted around to see Ren and Joel standing in the doorway. Both of them wore concerned expressions, although Joel more so. It had only been two days but it felt like an eternity since Isaias had left—evident by the dark circles beneath Joel’s eyes and Ren’s inability to sit still. Apparently, we were all feeling out of sorts without our Alpha.
“Yes?” I asked, eyes darting between the two of them. My cheeks heated of their own accord because I knew what Joel was going to say. They had both told me numerous times that our babies were safe, that we were safe but I couldn’t shake the feeling. “They’re safer here,” I argued, not sure who I was trying to convince.
Joel pushed into the room and knelt beside me as I shot up and scooted back with Elias and Leo firmly tucked into my arms. “They have to get used to sleeping in their own bed, Kieran.” I was ready to fight him on that when he laid a gentle hand on my arm before leaning in to press a kiss to my lips. “It’s alright. It just takes time.”
“Something could happen to them,” I pushed. All my nightmares were jumbled together at this point. Moments from when I was younger, that one moment in Michael’s kitchen alittle over a year ago, nearly killing him, and now, almost dying as I brought our babies into the world. The lumberjack who thought he could do it all alone was gone, disappeared, and replaced by an Omega who missed his Alpha. I craved his touch and my pack’s acceptance while at the same time needing to prove to them that I could do this on my own–that I was in control.
Joel caught onto my distress, as he always did, gesturing for Ren to take our boys and give me a reprieve. Our little Alpha happily bound into the nest and scooped them up, cradling them against his chest—one in each arm. He placed a kiss on their foreheads as they wriggled against him.
The knot in my throat loosened as Ren’s adoration for our babies showed through, the little Alpha carrying them out of the room and starting up a lullaby I couldn’t quite make out. The harmonic melody quieted the growing anxiety in my heart as Joel squeezed my arm to turn my attention back to him.
