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I snorted, unable to hold back my response. Emotional was what I felt when Owen had made me lock myself in the cellar. Emotional was when I dug that fucking knife into his chest as Istared at my demons. “Emotional? I’m mad. Pissed off. I wasted years on something I thought was going to help the world. Me and my numbers were going to make a fucking difference. And now? People are getting hurt for some code. My niece isn’t safe. My family can’t be trusted. I’m terrified that all of this, whatever this is, is going to go horribly wrong. And the strangest part, I just want to knowwhy.”
Everything came out in a rush, my chest heaving as the last of my words came out. My men stared at me with a mixture of confusion and worry, unsure if I wanted to be touched or left alone at this moment. Did I want to lean into their comfort or did I just need to get out my frustration?
Timidly, I climbed back onto the couch, situating myself on Valentyn’s lap. I wanted to ignore my little outburst but knew it would be a topic of conversation in the near future. Valentyn wrapped his thick arms around me as Dmitri and Gianni each laid one hand on me. I felt consumed by them as I disappeared into Valentyn’s embrace, my much smaller form completely encased by his.
“What Gia wastryingto say, sweetheart, is that it’s okay to feel. That it’s okay to react, to scream, to fight. What you’re going through, what you’re experiencing? We wouldn’t expect you to deal with that all by yourselves.” He nuzzled his nose against my temple and I narrowed my gaze as I twisted around his arms.
“But you all did.” Gianni was my age, the other two weren’t much older but my ability to handle external stimuli wasn’t anywhere near them. I realized I had just opened up the door to their past and between the dark looks in their eyes and the knowledge of what they did for a living, I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like the story.
Thankfully, Gianni decided to give me the abridged version. “Rhys,” I turned a little to face him. “You have to remember that we’ve been doing this for years. This unfortunately isn’t new tous, not even Paval. We have learned to internalize it and find other ways for an outlet. You were as much a safe space for me as I was for you when I lived beside you. You’re allowed to speak up about your frustration. We uprooted you from a life that you understood, that was predictable. Everything you’re feeling right now is valid.Everything.”
The uncertainty. The fear. The anger. The little tendrils of lust that made me want to reconnect with my men. Fuck, I was going to get whiplash from my emotions.
Dmitri pinched my chin and twisted me around to face him on the other side. “Let’s watch a movie while you digest all that sugar and then we’ll go back to bed.” Valentyn’s arms tightened around me, silently demanding a response.
“I’d like that,” I finally said, snuggling in a little tighter. Not having to choose what to do next made things easier and the thought of all of my men curled up to me for the first time in a while warmed me from the inside out. Things wouldn’t be okay for a while but at least I had them and Paval.
Chapter nine
LIAM
“Liam, I still don’t really understand everything but where is Rhys?” He reached up to cup the side of my face and I leaned into it, staring into his big beautiful eyes. We had fallen asleep next to each other but now he was back at the questions, focusing on Rhys and his mental health.
“He’s fine. Gallivanting the world with his new boyfriends.”
“Boyfriends?” Joey frowned and sat up, dragging the covers up over his lap. He only ever did that when he was ashamed or mad at me. It was definitely the second one. He licked his hips and then let out a deep breath. “Right, those men that Owen had sent. He’s dating them?”
“Yes. I mentioned that.” My words came out a little harsher than I had planned as I sat up too, reaching for my husband. He shied away, my heart falling into my stomach. “Joey, Rhys is fine.”
“Rhys isnotfine. He hasn’t been for a while and you helping him has kept him sane. However, the last couple of weeks I’m not sure I believe that anymore.” I went to fight him on that when he merely held up his hand. “Every time something happened, you told him that it would be okay, that you would handle it. You made sure he was going to therapy and that he showed up for that one family dinner. But, Liam, you never did anything more than that. Your brother washurting. He was silently crying out for help and you never once lent him a hand.”
A bitter laugh escaped me. “Neither did you!”
Joey’s expression hardened as he slid from the bed. “Because I thought you–as his brother–had it. I thought you were taking care of him like a brother should. Hell, I even thought Ada, who was rough around the edges, wasn’t actively exploiting her brother either. No, stop trying to touch me, Liam. You are not going to fuck your way out of this one.” His shoulders deflated as he rounded the mattress and came to stand in front of me. This time when he held my face in his hands, the warmth had disappeared. “I will always love you but I can’t stand here and watch you treat your own family like they’re just pawns in a game of chess. I just have one question. Why?”
No one had ever asked me that before. Maia joked about it but never expected an answer. Now the love of my life was demanding a reason so that he could wrap his head around it. Was there a reason or had I just been following the motion? Ada had opened up an entirely new world for me but was that all this was?
“I don’t know,” I mumbled.
Joey snorted. “You can do better than that. You ruined a perfectly good young man with hopes and dreams and a love for numbers I’ve never seen. He’s broken because of what you and your sister have done to him. You’ve used and abused his love and trust in you and for what?” One of his hands slid down tosqueeze my throat, dragging me closer to his face. My lips parted but he wasn’t about to kiss me. “Tell me why you discarded your brother. For a program? A job? Are you just a fucking sheep?”
The venom spewed from his mouth didn’t match the man I fell in love with. “Joey…”
“I am not ignorant of the life you lead, Liam. I never have been but I let it be because I knew that it was what you needed. Give me a reason, Liam.”
I cleared my throat, gently wrapping my hands around his wrist and tugging it off my neck. He let me hold onto his hand as he stood there, anger igniting in his expression. “Joey, someone had to make the program and-”
“You ruined ahuman being.Do you get that? Your own flesh and blood. I don’t care if this program was meant to save the fucking world. You do not sacrifice family for that, especially when Rhys was calling out to you for help. You sent pain to his front door. You let it inside. You let that pain break him down until he was merely a shell of the man I first met. When’s the last time you saw him smile? Actually have fun? Enjoy being around us?” Joey yanked himself away from me. “I would ask you to choose between me and whatever the fuck this is but the fact that youeverchose to help in the destruction of your own family? I can’t forgive that.”
I followed him as soon as he slipped out of the room, horrified when he marched into our bedroom and pulled out a suitcase. “What are you doing? Joey, you can’t–you said you would listen and-”
“And I did. I have listened to you tell me that the man I fell in love with isn’t the one I thought he was. Save your brother, Liam. Get him out of this. Maybe then we can talk about our future.” He laid a simple kiss on my cheek before grabbing a few essentials and outfits and then leaving me alone. The slam of thefront door sent shivers down my spine and the first time in a while, I felt utterly helpless.
I crawled into bed, shoving the covers over my head. Joey was my light in the darkness and now he was gone, the deep void threatening to consume me. I hated that it felt warm and inviting.
***
I woke to a sudden start, my hand falling to the side of me, not at all surprised to find it empty and cold. Joey lay beside me and listen to every fucking word that fell from my lips, offering sweet touches and kisses to relax me further. I should have known that it was false hope. There was no way in hell that my beautiful Joey would stay by my side as he listened to my transgressions. They weren’t eventhat bad.
