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Of course he focused on the good in such a messy situation. But he’d lost everyone so young, and it broke a piece of me for him.
“I guess murder and bloodshed is just normal for you guys,” I said, not even thinking as the words came out of my mouth.
“It’s a part of the life, princess,” Kieran said, although his tone had shifted uneasily.
“It’s not like it happens often despite what shows and such make you believe. Intimidation and discussions work well enough, but yes, it happens,” Enzo said as he focused on eating.
“It’s a cruel world we live in,” Kieran added as he clicked his tongue.
“I know, I’m in it now,” I said softly as I took another mouthful. I could never truly leave it. If I wanted to, I’d have to be like Thomas, move across the globe and change my name, reinvent who I was. I’d almost done it to escape Callum, but that part of my life seemed so easy in comparison now.
I’d had a knife to my throat, and I knew that this life would be one of constant risk.
Then again, it’d been like that with Callum, too.
We fell into an uneasy silence at that for a few moments until Zane came back inside from the balcony.
“Jason, got a few things we need to go over,” Zane stated as he strode in, tapping away on his phone.
“Got it.” Thomas was up in an instant, more than happy to be removed from this uneasy moment.
“I’m going to get some air I think,” I stated as I stood as well, setting my empty bowl down on the coffee table and heading for the doors to the balcony.
I stepped out in the soft breeze, sighing at the sounds of the city down below as I moved to lean on the railing.
The sun kissed my arms, warming me despite the unease settling over me.
This was my life now. I’d made my choice, and this was the cost. Always looking over my shoulder, knowing the truth of what went on in the shadows.
“You okay?” Enzo asked as he stepped outside, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.
“I have to be, don’t I?”
“You’ve been through a lot,topolina, more than any one person ever has to deal with. It amazes me how well you’re handling it,” he said as he kissed the side of my head.
“I don’t have a choice, can’t just break down from it all repeatedly,” I said as I stared out at the skyline.
“Are you okay with this life?”
“Are you?” I shot back.
“I had to take a life to be granted something great. Sure, it’s not for everyone, but I get to live a life of luxury. It has its costs, but what doesn’t? I sometimes wonder how different my life would have been if I hadn’t chosen to kill that day, to avenge my family. I think about it every once in a while, and I always come to the same conclusion,” he said as he held me against his chest. His arms were so warm and comforting, I couldn’t help but lean back against him.
“What is that conclusion?”
“That it was the right choice. I’ve lived a good life, I have my brothers, my family lives on, and I think they’d be proud. I get to buy whatever I want, go wherever I want, and live a lavish life. But I do have to take lives at times. That can take a toll on anyone, but I remind myself why I do it. That we have codes that make this entire world work. I took my first life to avenge my family, now I take lives to protect my family. It’s much like a soldier going to war to serve his country and protect those he loves. It’s who I am now,” he said, brushing his lips over my neck and sending a tingle through me. I held his arms around me, one thing replaying in my mind.
“One of the guys, he said you weren’t supposed to survive,” I whispered.
He nodded and sighed as he rested his head on my shoulder. “I wasn’t. I took a bullet that day, one intended to kill me, but I survived. I sometimes wonder if it was one of my parents watching over me, and if I did what they would have wanted. They were all about family and doing everything to protect it,” he said, and I stiffened, my chest tightening at the thought.
“You were a kid, Enzo, my God.” I turned in his arms, staring up at him, my heart breaking. “I’m glad you survived, but fuck. Where…” I let the question hang, but he just smiled as he cupped my cheek.
“You care so much,amore mio, it’s one of the things I love about you. Your compassion and kindness despite what you’ve endured as well. You’ve not allowed it to make you hard, instead, you remained soft and understanding to the plight of others,” he said as he stroked my cheek. He rested his head on my forehead, those dark eyes sucking me in as we stood quietly, my hands curled in his shirt.
How could a man who’d known such pain be so sweet and tender with me?
“My scar is on my back, they shot me in the back,” he said after a moment, his right hand sliding up my spine, making me tingle before it moved to my left shoulder blade. “Right here, if it had been a little lower, it would’ve killed me. The Slade family doctor dug the bullet out, and I keep it with my father’s old pocket watch in a safe at the compound. Reminds me of where I came from and how I survived. Death wasn’t ready for me that day.”
