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I faltered, chewing my cheek as I let my gaze wander around the darkness.
Even if they did, surely they wouldn’t send them after me.
No, they wouldn’t do that. I had full faith in their desire to not hurt women. They’d come for me themselves, wanting answers on why I’d left.
I knew them to some degree, although could you really know anyone fully? We hadn’t been together even remotely longenough for me to think I understood them. These were made men who knew how to put on a mask.
I may not know them at all.
I didn’t waste any more time as I pushed off, making sure to walk so whoever was watching the cameras didn’t rain hell down on me thinking I was making a run.
Which was a thought hovering at the back of my mind.
I just needed to think, to make sense of it all.
The darkness cocooned me like a welcome lover, shrouding me and hiding me from prying eyes as I entered the trees, automatically thinking of my survival from the river, and how I’d struggled through the forest, desperate to live.
If it weren’t for these men, I’d be dead. And if it wasn’t for Callum, I wouldn’t have wound up in this entire situation.
He’d hurt me, killed our child, and it was only a matter of time before I’d have not survived one of his beatings.
He was a problem. One that had to be dealt with.
But was death truly the answer?
There was no undoing it now. My fiancé, my abuser, the man who claimed to love me while his hands told another story, was now dead.
So why did it hurt so much?
I jammed my hands into my pockets, biting down on my lip as tears blurred my vision. Not that it mattered, the moon wasn’t as helpful tonight in guiding me, instead offering me some solace in the darkness, the coolness enveloping me like the pain in my heart.
These men had started to steal pieces of me I didn’t realize I’d even had on offer, and now they’d done something that was unraveling me. They’d reeled me in, and now they’d shown just how lethal they were, the lengths they’d go to for me.
Did I want to be with men who’d kill for me?
A sob broke the silence around me, and I let myself fall to the ground heavily, curling in on myself.
Sob after sob tore from me, the emotions spilling forth like a broken dam.
Callum had been a monster, a man who’d destroyed me almost completely, and he was now dead.
A part of me wanted to rejoice at that, to thank those who’d broken his hold over me, and yet a new hand had clamped around my throat. One of guilt and shame for feeling such a way, for even being thrilled that the men were willing to kill for me.
I’d once loved him, and I needed to mourn my loss. Not just of him, but who I once was. When I’d made the call for him to pay, I’d given away a part of my soul that I had no hope of retrieving. I’d let the darkness finally seep in, dragging me into her depths and twisting me with her cruelty.
I’d finally inflicted pain in order to save myself.
Was that just? Or was I no better than he was?
I covered my face with my hands, the sobs becoming uncontrollable, my body trembling like a leaf in a hurricane, the emotions taking their hold. I was at their mercy as I wept and cried, the pain and grief crushing me.
I’d always wanted to believe in the good of everyone, benefit of the doubt, but Callum had started to destroy that in me.
Hank was right, as were the guys—he was a bad guy. But no matter how much I tried to justify it in my mind, I felt beyond broken.
I’d lain with killers, allowed them into my body, and I was oddly exhilarated by it.
Was I a monster as well? Was I now just as tarnished by the darkness as they were? What did this make me?
