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‘No. No, I want to go home and shower and put on comfy pyjamas.’
‘And then tell us everything that happened?’ Tori tacks on, unlocking her car and sliding Jules’s suitcase in.
‘Of course. I think I need to talk it all out to make sense of it. I really … didn’t …’ Jules’s throat thickens. She swears and takes a sharp breath. She will not cry over this again. ‘I really didn’t think it’d end how it did.’
Cat leans her body against Jules and she leans back.
‘While you know I can’t wait to hear all about it,’ Tori slams the boot shut then turns to Jules, gripping her wrist lightly. ‘More importantly, before any of that … Are you okay?’
Jules’s throat feels thick. Again. Damn it. ‘Not really. Not yet.’
She’s wrapped in another hug and it eases some of the ache in her bones.
***
Back at home, Jules takes a long, scorching hot shower then gets changed into her softest pyjamas. The cookies are warmed up to melty-chocolate perfection, and Tori makes Italian-style hot chocolate, so rich and thick she brings three teaspoons across to the coffee table.
Her friends pile her onto the couch, Cat on her left and Tori on her right, like they had after Todd ended things with her. It feels different now. She feels different. Back then, her thoughts had been about what she was losing, and how Todd’s rejection reflected on her. Now, her thoughts are full of Cameron. Is he back in Canberra yet? Is he thinking about their last conversation? Does he feel regret? Relief? Loss? Do his bones ache like hers do?
Does he believe her that she fell for him in his entirety?
Jules nibbles at a cookie while Cat and Tori fill her in on a week’s worth of gossip, then start comparing notes on a romance novel they both read recently, waiting for Jules to be ready.
‘Okay.’ Jules pulls her legs beneath her, crossing them.
‘Feeling more yourself?’ Cat asks, running her fingers through the damp strands of Jules’s hair.
‘Much.’
‘So what happened?’ Tori asks gently. ‘We thought things were going well.’
Jules pulls the plate of cookies on her lap so she can pick one up and break it in half. ‘They were. He was really opening up to me. I even slept the night in his bed on Wednesday. But something happened yesterday and he ended things.’
‘Did he say why?’ Cat asks, fingers still running through Jules’s hair.
‘He thought I was using him for sex.’
Tori cocks her head. ‘He does know you were having a fling, right? ‘
‘Yes. Like I said, we made that very clear from the start.’ Jules starts breaking the cookie into smaller pieces, letting them fall onto the plate. ‘Which is why it was so weird hearing him say that, and why—at least after I spoke to Matteo—I didn’t believe him.’
‘Matteo?’ Tori asks.
‘A friend from Cable he reconnected with while we were there.’ Jules lifts another cookie and begins the process of breaking it apart.
‘What did Matteo say to you that made you change your mind?’ Cat brings the conversation back.
Jules hands are covered in melty chocolate, so she reaches for a napkin to wipe her fingers. ‘I think Cameron had been telling Matteo about what we were doing because the morning after things ended, Matteo found me and told me … Well, some private stuff about Cameron and his ex. And, I don’t know, it was like having my eyes opened. I knew where he was coming from, why he interpreted the situation how he did.’
Fingers clean and no more cookies to demolish, Jules settles for tapping her fingers on her crossed knees instead. ‘And also, it made me feel rotten. I don’t … it’s his story to tell, but I wish I could go back. I would’ve been honest from the start. I should have taken the risk and told him what I wanted. Instead, I went along with the fling thing and unknowingly put him in a position where he was reliving his awful relationship with an ex.’
Tori lets out a low whistle beside her. ‘Jules. That sounds shit. But you didn’t know about his ex, so you can’t be at fault.’
Jules nods, but her stomach squirms anyway. She lays her palms flat over her abdomen. ‘I know. And I know there’s no point worrying when I can’t change what we did. So this morning I did what I should have done from the start.’
Even after the fact, echoes of pinpricks settle on her shoulders. She takes a deep breath and looks between her friends.
‘I told him everything. I was completely honest about having liked him for months, and that it was never just sex for me. That I was—That I wanted to have the chance to fall in love with him.’
