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Sex and pillow talk. That was meant to be the plan. Spilling her own slightly-embarrassing intimate secrets probably wasn’t the pillow talk Tori and Cat were encouraging, but maybe exposing more of her vulnerable parts will encourage Cameron to do the same.
She opens her mouth to talk but a pressure appears at the base of her skull. Her shoulders twitch and the ants start marching over her skin. Last time she stepped outside her comfort zone, she endured a rejection so severe that when she leaped back into it she found it had shrunk in size.
But outside her comfort zone is now the place where she finally spoke face to face with Cameron. Where she stepped up to fill in for Samantha with no notice and walked offstage glowing. Where she and Cameron have kissed and laughed and she’s learned the many perfect ways their bodies fit together.
‘I think when I was younger and inexperienced,’ she starts, haltingly peeling back a layer of herself, ‘I thought sex should happen in the morning or at night.’
Cameron continues his light up down up down stroking on her back. His eyes stay steady on her with interest, absent of any judgement.
‘I wasn’t naturally adventurous, and the thought of initiating anything made me nervous. What if I got shut down?’
Cameron’s fingers ground her while she forms her next words. They’re barely a whisper, but she’s speaking them. ‘With you, I feel different. The way we are together, and how we interact, it makes me feel confident. And sexy.’
‘You were both those things already,’ he says immediately.
Jules’s skin flushes. ‘I wasn’t. Not the former, at least. But being with you makes me see myself differently. And besides, I never met someone who makes me want sex so constantly.’
Cameron wiggles his eyebrows but his reply is serious enough. ‘The feeling’s mutual.’
Jules kisses his chest and spreads her palm over his heart, feeling the steady beat of it. ‘I’ve read about this feeling, you know.’
‘Which feeling?’
‘Unignorable horny-ness.’
Cameron huffs and his lips quirk upwards. ‘Your erotica?’
‘Yes, my erotica.’ Jules rolls her eyes. ‘But other novels, too. Part of me thought that was creative license, exaggerating for the sake of a story. There’s always been attraction in my relationships, but I guess there was never that desperate, ‘I have to get this man naked and inside me’ like there is with you.’
She drops her gaze to his torso, concentrates on his steady heartbeat beneath her palm. ‘Even with my last ex, I can count on one hand the number of times I initiated anything sexually adventurous.’
Cameron’s hand flattens in the dip of her back. ‘Well. I’m glad you feel like you can be open with me about sex. Ask for things you want.’ He picks her hand off his chest and presses kisses to her knuckles. Jules’s body goes boneless at the touch and the softness in his caramel eyes.
‘It’s like I said on the first night,’ Cameron reminds her. ‘Less thinking. If you want something, ask. What’s the worst that could happen?’
‘You judge me.’
‘Wrong, because I’d never do that.’ He says it firmly, like it’s an unmovable truth. ‘The worst that could happen is I say no.’
Jules winces. That is the worst thing. They’re talking about sex right now, but eventually she’ll need to tell Cameron what she actually wants—to date him properly. What if she opens up and he says no? It’ll be like Todd all over again.
‘You don’t like to be told no?’ Cameron has clearly picked up her discomfort.
‘Does anyone?’ She pushes off his chest and rolls onto her back beside him. ‘It’s not that I want everyone—you—to agree with me all the time. But when it comes to relationships. I guess …’
Cameron rolls onto his side and props his head on his hand, looking down at her. She fumbles for the sheet and pulls it over her torso, curling her hands into the fabric.
‘That ex I mentioned. He, uh … Well. He said no to me.’
‘And you’re still alive. See? Not so bad.’
Jules shakes her head. ‘I asked …’ She swallows, throat dry, her words pulling a vanishing act.
Cameron continues to look down at her, his hand a light pressure at her hip over the sheet.
When the words do appear, they come out as a whisper. ‘I asked him to marry me.’
There’s a pause.
