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‘Yes. About … sex stuff,’ she lowers her voice and leans into him.
‘Jules.’
‘It’s fine, Cameron. I get it.’ She pulls back, dragging a menu with her and proceeding to focus on it as she talks. ‘Maybe I was a little hurt, but I meant it when I said you don’t owe me an apology. We’re having a fling. By definition it’s about sex, and I was getting emotional and you made it clear you didn’t want that, as is your right.’
Ice stabs at his spine. ‘Not true.’
‘It’s fine. I accept your apology.’
The band around his chest doesn’t loosen. In fact, it gets tighter, making his heart compress and start beating faster. Why is he pushing this so much? He should be taking the out, grateful she’s keeping this to their agreed terms. No emotions. Just the physical.
Yet his chest squeezes tighter and not seeing her smile at him is like a song without a resolution. He needs her smile. He needs her warmth filling him up to make this discomfort go away.
‘I’m terrified of spiders,’ he blurts.
Her eyes lift to his. ‘Pardon?’
‘Fucking terrified. I once didn’t sleep in my room for four nights because I saw a huntsman in there. This was recently, too.’
Her eyes narrow and she tilts her head. At least she’s not ignoring him.
‘Uh … Once, when I was a kid, I stole money from Dad’s wallet to buy myself a terrible pair of Nikes I never wore. I don’t understand people who don’t listen to music. I failed my driver’s license test twice. I do paint-by-numbers for fun. Which I already told you. Crap.’ His heart races despite having done nothing but blurt out facts about himself.
‘You failed your driver’s license test twice?’
‘Yes. My sisters like to remind me of that often.’
Jules’s lips quirk. It’s not a full smile but the band around his chest loosens a fraction.
She drops the menu on the table and focuses fully on him. ‘None of this explains what happened this afternoon.’
‘I have a habit of running from my problems.’
Jules’s mouth pops open and she blinks at him.
A bit too real, but still true. Poorly worded though. ‘Not that you’re a problem,’ he adds.
‘Good to know.’ She bites her lip and cocks her head. ‘So what was the problem?’
‘Uh …’ The problem was Cameron got spooked by their emotional intimacy and reverted to his original tactic for handling potential feelings for Jules. Avoidance. No way is he telling her that though. It’ll make him sound pathetic.
‘If I say it’s not you, it’s me, would that be enough of an explanation?’ He crosses his fingers beneath the table, and guilt tinges his next breath for hoping for an easy out.
‘Partially.’ She chews on her lower lip some more. ‘Is that what happened at Cable, too? You … ran away from a problem?’
His jaw locks tight. She’s too perceptive by far. He should’ve remembered that about her. But he can’t berate her for not being honest with him and then lie to her face.
It takes a mammoth effort for his jaw to unlock enough for him to say, ‘Yes. I was running.’
‘Why?’
‘It’s—I don’t talk about it.’
‘Would you prefer to explain why you practically kicked me out of your room instead?’
He swallows painfully, throat dry. He feels renewed guilt for evading even as he replies, ‘Not really.’
‘Cameron.’ Jules purses her lips and her disappointment claws his skin like talons. ‘You said you were going to explain what happened. I opened up to you about Todd and you can’t give me anything in return? You think I talk about him regularly?’
